Sometimes, whether I'm intentionally spending time with Jesus or I'm just sitting on the back of a tuk-tuk in Cambodia, I experience these holy moments that make me feel like my entire life makes sense. It feels as if every longing in my heart has been fulfilled, that every question has been answered, that every scar has been restored. I'm not sure I can even put these moments into words, because words of the human language just don't suffice for the way they feel.
Lately, these moments have been paired with memories from my past that I thought had been completely forgotten: from childhood through my college years. And even though I decided to live my life for Jesus a year ago to the day, there is a resounding phrase being spoken by Him over each memory: I was there.
When I was playing with the water sprinkler in my grandmother's driveway as a preschooler, without a care in the world besides figuring out the best way to jump through the stream of cool water on a hot summer afternoon, Jesus laughed and spoke I was there.
When I sat at the kitchen table in the beautiful house that my parents designed in elementary school, as my parents spoke the word divorce and my mind was sent into an array of confusion and fear, he whispered I was there.
When I was reading The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe as a middle schooler and I burst into tears as I read alone on my living room couch when Aslan died and I didn't understand why I was so upset, he once again whispered in my ear I was there.
When I stood in the back of the congregation by myself on a Sunday morning as a Sophomore in college and I looked around me to see people with their hands raised and I couldn't blink without tears streaming down my face because I wanted what they had so badly, he told me again: I was there.
While on the race, Jesus has been showing me that he didn't magically appear in my life the day I was baptized a year ago. He didn't become the center of the wheel in which the spokes of my life connected to when I finally acknowledged his presence. He didn't have to wait for me to choose him… because he had already chosen me. And whether you know it yet or not, he has already chosen you, too.
