I really had no idea what to expect at training camp. Sure, I had heard rumors and stories about what might happen at our 7 day retreat in the woods, but nothing could brace me for what would actually take place.
Night one. I met my squad for the first time. We kicked off our camp worship experience with one of my favorite songs, “With Everything” by Hillsong United. All was well. After setting up my tent, I crawled in to my new little home, snuggled into my cocoon, and tried to fight the sense of fear that began creeping into my mind. Thoughts such as “what am I doing here?” “how will I fit in?” and “Jesus… are you really here with me?” danced through my mind as I drifted off to sleep. To my surprise, I woke up in the middle of the night to the loud SPLAT! of rain hitting my tent. And then… the flashes of lighting followed by booms of thunder began to roll in. For a girl who has camped in a tent about twice in her life, this was an absolutely terrifying experience. I quickly changed out of my pajamas and into real clothes, waiting for the moment that leaders would run over and scream “okay guys, the joke’s over… let’s all get out of this storm and head inside.” That moment never came.
Night two. I began to seriously wonder what I was doing at training camp. I was hungry, tired, and for some reason I wasn’t easily making friends. Not only that, but all of my gear was taken away as a training exercise. I found myself withdrawing from my squad as my introverted side overcame me.
Night three. The only thought on my mind was “tomorrow, I am getting out of here. I will continue my job, buy a car, and be with the people I love most. I’ll have my freedom back.” The animosity inside of me raged. I sure wasn’t having fun, and all I could think about was going back home to my comfortable life in Pittsburgh.
Night four. I felt more alive and closer to the Lord than ever before. I knew that I had to push through the trials of training camp and go on the World Race if I ever wanted the life that I dreamed of living. I knew that He had more for me, but I had to step out of my comfort zone to get it.
You’re probably wondering what happened between nights three and four that so drastically changed my way of thinking. Well, brace yourself; it was tough. There were a lot of tears, but the Lord showed up and rescued me.
The morning came, and I met with my squad mentor after breakfast. I told her that I wanted to fly home that afternoon. We walked in huge circles around the camp discussing my inner-battle: stay, or go home? She told me that before I made such a life-altering decision, I should spend some time alone with the Lord. So, I walked over to a picnic table and opened up my journal. I wrote out a pro’s and con’s list, wrestled with the idea of my future in each situation, and ended the entry with a single sentence: “Lord, I don’t want to disappoint you.”
I closed my journal and began to weep. I’m talking full on ugly cry. I felt confused and helpless. Neither decision would be easy to make. I asked the Lord to give me a sign, but nothing was happening. Until…
I looked up, and my squad mentor was scurrying down the hill in my direction. She made her way over to the picnic table I was sitting at and apologized for interrupting my alone time. “It’s just, I was up there in the pavilion, and the Lord told me that I needed to tell you He’s not disappointed in you. It sounds crazy, but it felt so urgent, I knew I had to come tell you right now.”
My mouth dropped.
He was there.
To be continued….
