Since I am embarking on an 11 month missions trip I guess that technically makes me a missionary. But what does that mean? Do I have to pretend I’m perfect and never goof it? As I was talking about it with my team, Paul, my team mate said that anyone who identifies them self as knowing the Lord is a missionary. So now that I know that what I am doing to not a rarity I should feel more at peace on how to conduct myself. But I don’t. In Guatemala Americans are better known as gringos. This title carries a negative connotation that all Americans live in the plenty and only watch out for themselves. Could there be truth to this? Titles usually come from experience, and we are being watched and analyzed by the general public more then we realized. Loving God is not a nine to five kind of thing. It’s a lifestyle.
It wasn’t till I was pushing a wheel barrel full of heavy sand about a half a mile through town, working harder then I had ever before and Angie over heard someone say that it was nice to see people doing real work. BOOM! It hit me. I’m not here to gain the approval of anyone. I’m not here to prove to people back home what I am capable of and how far I can push myself to the limit. I am here to serve God. When reading my Bible I saw a quote I put on the back of the cover. “God is not interested in your service or sacrifice. He only wants you to know how much he loves you. Hoping you will choose to love him in return. Understand that and everything else will fall into place. Miss that and nothing else will make any difference.” Wayne Jacobson.
A close family friend Mary Ann gave me extremely helpful incite before I left. She told me that in some cases I may be the only face of Jesus some people ever see. Talk about a privilege. Since I have been in Panajachel our contact Pastor Ben has challenged me in every aspect of my faith, bringing up valid points I had never thought of and questioning why I do the things I do. I have a lot to think about in terms of what I believe in. I know I have the essentials down but there is still a lot I need to learn about in my life in Christ and am excited to figure some of my questions out this year.
