My heart had such mixed emotions on Sunday – the day that I left America for 11 months. But God has been reminding me of the journey He set me on long before I actually began moving my feet across foreign soil.
Before I came to Atlanta for launch, I was awake one night reading back in my last journal, which is very rare for me to do. This night, as I read through this journal, I was amazed at the answered prayers that I found. Many prayers were answered ironically, leaving me saying ‘But God, you know that’s not what I meant.’ But answer He did.
Here are some of the things I found that I had written over the past year and a half:
Why can’t I be satisfied? My spirit constantly yearns for more. I feel like a parched land with the water being too scary to drink.
Who can outrun a relentless God? He is relentless because He is good. He is good because He is relentless.
Teach me to trust you enough to go to the edge of my longing. The longing that is as deep and wide as the sea – for you satisfy, but Lord, we cannot reach the end of you.
Lord, I want to seek you, I want to find your kingdom. I want to release the treasures in the secret places. Lead on.
Be careful about dangerous prayers. I always love it when God uses your own words to get your attention and provide conviction. Pretty annoying amazing.
At launch, God reminded me of when I was not able to leave on a January route as I had previously planned / applied for – and brought to mind the devastation that I felt….as if I had missed out on something huge that God had for me, knowing I was supposed to go. Looking back, it was just not God’s timing. This moment is God’s perfect timing. Even with the sharp bends in the road, everything fell into place at just the right time and there have been so many blessings that I would have missed if He allowed me to leave in January. Look what He’s done.
It is now several days into the first month of ministry. The trip to the ministry site in Albania took 53 hours – which included several international flights and a 28 hour bus ride from Istanbul which crossed through the borders of Greece, Macedonia, and then into Albania.
We had been practicing thankfulness during the journey. And, after hearing we would be camping out for the month, were even more thankful to find beds to sleep in – especially since we arrived at camp long after dark.
But God has been reminding my heart that gratitude – the kind that truly weathers storms – is not based on thankfulness alone, and certainly not based on location or situation, but in fixing our eyes on Him.
He is not just Life. He is our Life….the salvation He has given, the stories He writes, the journeys He takes us on…at each new point of surrender is where we find life. We find Him. And He does not hold back. We get to find the Life-giver in ever increasing abundance.
We cannot run Him dry. We cannot find the edge of Him. Let us chase Him together and find the treasures He is longing to share with us. And look back in amazement at what He has done.
