Ladies,
I’ve had the best times of my life with you. You are older and wiser, young and vivacious, velvet and steel, pure and redeemed.
I’ve sat at the booth of Panera over a steaming cup of coffee an even larger heap of your wisdom pouring into my soul. I have enjoyed our sleepovers with so much pillow talk, so much chocolate and so many feels. I’ve sat by your side as you got your floral tattoo and squeezed my hand with pain. I’ve stood by your side as you’ve married the man of your dreams.
What would I do without you? I want to celebrate who you are and everything you’ve meant to me. Tonight, let’s go all out. Let’s put on our favorite skinny jeans and our Taylor Swift red lipstick. Get the wine off of the shelf and pop the cork open. I want to make this toast to you, luv.
I’m also inviting you to love your uniquely crafted, irreplaceable, quirky self. I’m not just replicating a Dove commercial here (although I am a sappy, sucker for Dove commercials); I am simply telling you to value yourself more than your iPhone 6 that you never leave your home without.
You’re a big girl. You pay your phone bill, your rent, your electric bill, your car payment. If you don’t, what happens? It gets taken away, right? What if we all valued ourselves more than these high-value items which are replicable? Wouldn’t that change the way the world looks?
This is exactly the point that our squad coach, Rozy Torres McCormick made this past weekend at our debrief as she said, “If we valued ourselves as much as our cars, our phones, and our houses, we would hold much higher convictions.”
What if you bought a brand new, shiny, red convertible and took it for a spin to the mall. Suddenly, someone walks up to you and asks if he can borrow your key to scrape along the side. He’s really cute and charming, so you give him your keys without hesitation.
Sounds crazy, right? What if I told you that I see you, me and ladies all over the world do this everyday? It’s not just the men who are the perpetrators. I’ll be the first to admit that in my past, I have been on the other side of it- not valuing and honoring great people in my life. I’m not proud of it, but that’s a whole different soap box for another ladies’ night.
You’ll be hearing a lot about Rozy tonight, because she is the woman of wisdom who inspired this lovely rant. As the ladies of my squad gathered around the table, she threw some major icebergs our way.
Along with that, I’ve picked up the book: Bridge to Haven by Francine Rivers based on the story of the prodigal son where a teenage girl named, “Abra” runs away with a charming boy named, “Dylan.” Despite the fact that this boy embodies every red flag in the book, Abra is enthralled.
Even after her friends warn her that this boy will say anything he can to get what he wants, she doesn’t listen. Even when the sweet boy sitting right in front of her says that a ,an who loves her will strive to bring out the best in her, she’s head over heels in passion.
Just like any false, counterfeit form of love, this boy over promises and under delivers. He drugs her, he uses her, he takes physical advantage of her, he mostly insults her and only compliments her as an occasional bait to keep her on a leash. He physically attacks other people which eventually turns toward her. Cheating is the norm in their relationship. Eventually, he’s gotten his fill out of her and kicks her to the curb.
How often do we find ourselves in mild forms of this situation wondering how we got there? How to we become attracted to wolves in sheep clothing?
Rozy expressed having feelings of confusion while dating her husband in the beginning, because he was consistent, clear about his intentions, affectionate, loving and never pressured her into things she didn’t want to do.
She fell into the trap that so many of us red-blooded American girls have fallen into: mistaking a cheap, counterfeit thrill for love. What she called it was chasing after a familiar spirit. If it’s what we know and are comfortable with, we will run after it without realizing it.
Oftentimes, it’s just the charm of someone who doesn’t want us. We’ve heard it called “the thrill of the chase.” It’s deceptive passion. If we’re used to being rejected, that’s somehow become twisted into our subconscious minds as love and passion.
I’ve fallen for the trap over and over again- grasping onto the coattails of someone who isn’t sure about me- feeling so enthralled and excited by the chase. Most of us have in some form.
For women, so many of us burn with the deep desire to be loved and to be chosen as one among many others. Someone who wants to reel a lady in and keep her attached may bring up marriage or “love,” sugar her with words of endearment and then take steps backward. It’s like throwing a bate out and taking it back.
And all God’s people said, “That’s exhausting.”
What are the roots of these familiar spirits we chase after? For some, it’s a father who was either absent or abusive. It could be any skewed version of love for that matter. For me, it was the media. I loved curling up to a sappy chick-flick. A popular one that came out when I was in middle school was “The Notebook.”
If you’re unfamiliar, the female lead, “Allie” gets into a teen summer romance with “Noah.” They have an immature puppy love, they lose their virginities to each other, the fight constantly and then she moves away and he drinks his feelings.
She meets a nice man who honors her, respects her, loves her and values her, but it’s not the “passion” she experienced with Noah. Naturally, just before her wedding, she leaves town to find Noah, and she does. He’s grown into a bum who isolates himself into his house, is rude to people and uses another woman for sex. He’s everything Allie craves, and she cheats on her fiancée with him.
Meanwhile, all over America, all of us painfully awkward teenage girls are drooling through our braces and squealing about how we can’t wait to find a Noah.
So then we go on searching for that lust that only takes rather than a love that gives. The movie shows a Noah later in life whose personality is completely different from his teen years who actually loves her when it’s not glamorous. That’s not what happens in reality, ladies.
When we marry men like Dylan or Noah, we marry into abuse, infidelity, selfishness and misery. A person’s nasty habits don’t stop just because they have a ring on their finger. Some people do change overtime, but if you think it’s you who can change them, you’re sorely mistaken.
I’m speaking to myself as much as I’m speaking to you, pretty lady. If we know our Jesus, we know what love looks like. You may say, “Sara, you can’t expect anyone to be perfect like Jesus.”
Yes, mistakes and flaws are inevitable, but what’s the character at the core? Another great nugget from Rozy is that sweet words don’t mean good character.
How did/does Jesus love His bride? He sees her for who she was created to be and fights for her to become that. Even when He saw Peter for the first time, He called out how Peter, the impulsive indecisive one was created to be a rock. He saw the woman at the well through all of her past to the core of who she really is. He saw Mary Magdalene beyond her demons. He saw the twelve disciples beyond their ragamuffin, redneck appearances.
He was gentle and didn’t impose himself onto people who weren’t having it. He fought for injustice, and of course as we all know, he laid down His life for the bride.
Here’s the kicker, your husband has been commanded by God to love his wife as Christ loved the bride, laying down His life for her. The form of love used in Colossians three is the “agape” love which is set aside as the term for God’s unconditional love for His people. (And we’re not off the hook girls; that love is expected from us as well.)
Agape means it gives without any expectation of what it can get back. It means that love is not based on whether or not you happen to deserve it that day. It means that it’s not based on how well you’ve done your makeup or how much your dress stands out amongst the others. It means someone is choosing Christ’s eyes for you, meaning they see the most raw, beautiful form of you.
The love that grows sweeter rather than sour with time is that agape love that is poured out from the kingdom, through us and overflowing to each other. That’s our Father’s model for love and marriage among all other areas in life.
That is the love I want for us as the ladies of the light to chase after and to pour out. That is who we are and what we were made for. As Idelette McVicker so beautifully said:
“Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women willing to lay down our sword words, our sharp looks, our ignorant silence and towering stance and fill the earth now with extravagant Love.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women who make room.
Let us be women who open our arms and invite others into an honest, spacious, glorious embrace.
Let us be women who carry each other.
Let us be women who give from what we have.
Let us be women who leap to do the difficult things, the unexpected things and the necessary things.
Let us be women who live for Peace.
Let us be women who breathe Hope.
Let us be women who create beauty.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us be a sanctuary where God may dwell.
Let us be a garden for tender souls.
Let us be a table where others may feast on the goodness of God.
Let us be a womb for Life to grow.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us rise to the questions of our time.
Let us speak to the injustices in our world.
Let us move the mountains of fear and intimidation.
Let us shout down the walls that separate and divide.
Let us fill the earth with the fragrance of Love.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us listen for those who have been silenced.
Let us honour those who have been devalued.
Let us say, Enough! with abuse, abandonment, diminishing and hiding.
Let us not rest until every person is free and equal.
Let us be women who Love.
Let us be women who are savvy, smart, and wise.
Let us be women who shine with the light of God in us.
Let us be women who take courage and sing the song in our hearts.
Let us be women who say, Yes to the beautiful, unique purpose seeded in our souls.
Let us be women who call out the song in another’s heart.
Let us be women who teach our children to do the same.
Let us be women who Love.”
