Wait.
Nobody ever really likes to hear the word “wait.”
Children squirm, bringing an outward expression to what we sometimes feel as adults on the inside. Waiting is a challenge, especially during times of transition. When you find yourself working a short-term or seasonal job. When you know what’s next, but it’s not here yet. When something has been promised to you, but you don’t have it.
It was incredibly difficult to wait during my final month of CGA. I didn’t know what I was going to do next. I didn’t have summer plans…or any plans for that matter.
But God had asked me to wait.
I have to confess, during the month of April, I didn’t wait well. I grew apathetic. I quit engaging. I became selfish with my time.
My struggle with waiting was most apparent in Worship Track. For the majority of April, I wasn’t focused or present.
I participated frequently during the beginning of the semester, sharing what I heard God saying, engaging in class, playing in worship sets. But now, two months in, I sat back and waited for other people to speak up or participate. I figured others could do what needed to be done. They could play the guitar. They could share what the Lord was saying. They had it covered.
But do you want to know what the Lord showed me about my attitude?
I was choosing laziness and calling it empowerment.
For 5 months I had been living in an environment and working for an organization that invited people to step out of their comfort zones. It had certainly produced growth, but it was hard doing the uncomfortable things everyday. I was tired. So I began to avoid the uncomfortable things. I didn’t speak up as much or sing as loud or have the hard conversations. I sat back and let myself believe it was to empower those around me.
It was during this time that God showed me empowerment isn’t refusing your place at the table to make room for others. All are welcome to come to the table, but if you refuse your invitation, you can’t invite others to join. Empowerment is knowing your place and inviting others to know theirs as well.
I noticed as I withdrew, other people followed. My shift affected the momentum of our group and it began to seem like we weren’t making as much progress. My “plan” was backfiring.
As the final 2 weeks approached of CGA approached, I knew something needed to change. God had convicted me and used some of my closest friends here in Georgia to help me see my behavior wasn’t bringing life or propelling me into what I had desired for the semester.
When I started Worship track in January, my hope was to emerge more confident in leading worship. I wanted to overcome fear and embrace my gifting as a worship leader. Even when I grew apathetic months later, God was gracious to me. He was faithful, remembering my desires and knowing what needed to happen for me to get there.
He used several situations to get me back on track. The first was playing my guitar and leading worship one morning with the others in Worship track. The second was leading worship for an hour and a half at “The Burn.” The third was playing a song at worships track’s “Night of Celebration.”
Playing and singing at the “Night of Celebration”
When I said “yes” to these opportunities, something shifted inside of me. Rather than feeling apathetic, I felt alive. I returned to a place of desiring to live outside my comfort zone and was willing to say “yes” to future invitations. I quit shying away to leave spots open for others. Instead, I stepped into my shoes, empowering those around me in a new way.
What space has God invited you into? Are you filling it, freeing up and empowering others to claim theirs as well? Or are you shying away from the things He’s asked of you, believing it’ll allow others a chance to step up?
Remember, no one can fill your shoes but you. So what are you waiting for? Put ’em on and get going!
CGA Worship Track 2015
