“It still hurts. It won’t stop! Nothing they’ve given me is working. Why can't they make it stop?”
For 6 hours she had been in pain, continuing to get worse, not responding to any pain medicines. It was becoming unbearable.
"I want surgery. I want them to do something. I wish they could just knock me out."
The clinic this morning had given her 3 injections, supposed to help the pain. They told us it would get the pain under control…but it didn’t.
We left the clinic and went to a hospital, larger and more advanced. More injections for pain. No change, still getting worse.
I had no words. I hadn't had words for the past two days when she was like this, rocking back and forth, taking short sharp breaths.
I had prayed for her. Our squad was praying for her. Many people in America were praying for her.
I sat behind her on the bed, scratching her back…the only thing I could do.
Days of seeing her improve only to have her repeatedly wake up in the middle of the night in pain had taken its toll on me and tears ran down my cheeks as I silently cried for my sister.
I glanced up at the ceiling, my face full of anger at feeling betrayed and abandoned. People were praying. We'd asked for healing. Yet God didn't send physical comfort or
healing at that time.
Why won't you heal her, Lord? Why won't you at least take the pain away?
As angry and frustrated as I was, I found myself thankful for God’s sovereignty.
My anger quickly turned to desperation. And desperation led to the realization of how little control I have. I could do nothing to change the situation.
Desperation in its purest form breeds trust. I don't have control but I will trust the one who has complete control.
As I remembered friends back home who are walking through valleys and trials, thinking that if I was home I could help them but I can't physically be there with them. But here, in this hospital, I was unable to help or do anything for the one person I was actually with.
It was an intense continuation of a lesson the Lord’s been trying to teach me for most of my life. I desire to be the one to fix things. So with people, that means I often want to speed up the healing process. Seeing people in pain, physically or emotionally, quickly draws me to action. But my actions do not always lead to healing. My actions sometimes get in the way of the healing that comes in God's perfect timing. He wants to be the one with us in the valleys, holding our hands and guiding us through. His heart beats for us. And in those moments where there is no one else to lean on, he leads us to new depths of intimacy with him.
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An update on my friend:
It ended up being gallstones and she needed to have surgery to remove the stones and her gallbladder. Had the Lord not allowed her to feel such extreme pain, we wouldn't have ended up leaving the clinic and heading to a hospital with the technology that allowed for her to be accurately diagnosed.
God's hand was in it the entire time.
