As I sit here reading blog after blog, about ministry out on the Race, about the struggles, the victories, the joy, the frustration and then about the return home…I wonder what it will all be like for me.
Everyone says: don’t go in with expectations. Well, isn’t that so much easier said than done? Even without expectations, you are expecting anything right? Ha! I wonder how I will engage or disengage with my teammates. I wonder how I will be challenged, both in faith and in social skills. I wonder if I will get sick (if you know me, you know I ALWAYS get sick). I wonder if I will be able to make good financial decisions. I wonder if I will be able to make a lasting impression, a difference. Will I have fun? Will I read my Bible more? Please please let me read my Bible more. Will I take pictures or will I feel too overwhelmed and too busy to take the time to take a picture? Will I feel motivated to keep blogging? Will I talk to my friends and family here at home? Will my friends forget about me? I am worried that once I leave, I will leave everyone behind and they will leave my friendship at the door. Will I feel out of place on the Race? Will I feel old? I am the oldest person on my squad…oldest of 70…that’s a little crazy. Will I feel out of place when I return home next year? What will it be like returning to church? Will I return to LCBC? Will I know anyone anymore? Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Ok, deep breaths, deep breaths. Where does this all come from? Worry. Worry is a form of distrust in God. Worry is giving into the enemy, into satan. Worry gets me nowhere. Prayer is the answer. Prayer trumps worry. But, while I am 100% in for this journey that God has called me to, I have a fear of the unknown. Please join me in prayer about all of this. I am scared that I will be forced out of my comfort zone. I am scared that I won’t allow it. I’m afraid that my weaknesses will get the best of me. This will be a year that will break me…emotionally, physically, spiritually. And thank you Jesus for that.
