We’re officially in the middle of our journey.
We made it through Asia but, now we are having to learn a whole new continent and its norms.
Just when we feel like we have it figured out, Albania is coming to an end and we have to get up and move once again.
It’s the same with our spiritual journey.
Just when we feel like we have overcome one thing we are hit with something new to work through.
That is exactly where I found myself these past couple of weeks.
This month my team and I have been working with a local pastor to build relationships with young adults in the area with the goal to invite them to church.
Although our days can look easy and fun since we spend our time in coffee shops; its harder than I thought it would be…
I soon started to feel unqualified and alone.
All I saw was how my team mates were making friends so easily and how much harder it was to get people to talk to me.
The enemy took that and ran as my head began filling with lies.
I bought into the lie that because I don’t look “American” enough that no one wanted to befriend me.
All to soon anxiety started to creep in.
I slowly started to shut myself out of my team and kept quiet when things where said so no one would know I was secretly struggling.
I found it hard to focus or stand still; to the point where it became physically painful to say still.
I felt like Peta from the Hunger Games.
I know it sounds silly, but I related to the movie trilogy a lot through the first half of this month. Towards the end of the last movie he has to ask Katniss “Is this real or not real”.I felt as if I could no longer distinguish the difference between the lies of the enemy and the truths that God spoke over me. So in my head I would began to ask myself: “are these lies from the enemy or is this truth you say about me God?”.
I started to realize how bad it had gotten and decided to talk with one of my sisters back home; it took less than a minute into our conversation for her to call me out on what I was hiding from. Part of me desperately wanted someone to call it out because I felt like I was going crazy keeping it all in. After that conversation she challenged me to be vulnerable with my team and share with them how I had been feeling.
With in the next couple of days I started challenging myself to be vulnerable with the people around me.
I first had a long overdue conversation with God, sharing with him how I had been feeling. Even though I know he knows how I had been feeling, I think he likes it when we go to him and invite him into our struggles willingly.
I read a letter that a friend wrote me as well as opened my box of truths (a box filled with bible verses that a friend made for me to remind myself of what God says about me when things get tough on the field) and I repeated those verses as I let out everything out to God that I had been holding in.
With in the next two days I talked with my team leader, shared with my entire team, and talked with my mom back home.
It truly does make a difference when you invite people into those hard moments.
By the end of the week I felt more free and more in tune with Papa.
My encouragement to you is throughout your life when things get tough (because they will) and the enemy gets into your head by filling it with lies, take a breath and remember you are a child of God!
Speak the truths that Papa says about you over and over until you believe it and bring the people in your community into it with you.
I promise you this – they want to know how you are doing!
When you invite them into your struggles the enemy loses its grip and you will see you are not alone.
Always remember you are so loved and cared for.
