A couple of weeks ago my friend Kirsten decided to bless me with an amazing photo shoot session so I could have pictures to use for The World Race. Towards the end of the day she took me to the front of the Titans stadium that faces downtown Nashville and there I had an encounter with God and my thoughts.
From where I sat I could clearly see the CMT building, the place I dreamed of for my first job. I thought of all the things I had lined up for myself when I was in High School. I knew what college I was going to attend, the professional field I was going to be in, and even the direction my career was going to take. Clearly, I’ve always been the type to have my entire life planned out.
Naturally, looking at the building caused so many emotions and memories to surface. I remembered a suppresses desire I had my entire childhood. It was this inner feeling and desire that I wasn’t meant to live in the U.S. my whole life. For a while I responded to that desire by painting a beautiful picture in my mind of me living in Australia and working in the film industry sometime after I graduated college. Then, obviously, I would move to England and become a worldwide famous video editor and director. That was the plan, but more than that, that was my dream. “Once I move out and make it on my own in another country I’ll know I’ve done something meaningful with my life.” I thought so often.
Then, last year my sister Sandra left on The World Race and introduced me to a whole new option. But even with all the stories and adventures she shared I kept telling myself I couldn’t do something like that because it wasn’t what God (really I meant “I”) had plan for me.
But God had something bigger. He wanted to take me on Kingdom Journey away from everything I knew and take me into the unknown.
It started when this voice inside of me kept telling me there was more and that my time in Nashville was coming to an end. I tried looking for film programs and internships in other states because I wanted to fight off what God was calling me to do.
I was scared of not only leaving my family and friends, but also the plans I had for myself. Honestly, I was mostly scared of the change, of the process I knew I would have to walk through.
And in the process of running from God’s plan for my life I also ran away from my own plan for my life. I ended up running straight into a life of drugs, drinking and sleeping around. I never finished college and I never did get a job at the television station, instead I felt empty. When I finally hit rock bottom I was in such a dark place.
I had one last move of my own and that was to “flee” to Gainesville where my sister Sandra lives now. She took me in for a couple of weeks and for the first time in a long time I felt like I could finally breathe. I now know that in my running God was actually calling me to him, he was inviting me into a space where I could meet with him.
During my time in Gainesville God showed me who He truly was and not who I had made Him to be. While volunteering at a World Race training camp I got to meet some incredible man and woman of God and experience a knew perspective of God through their stories. God started stirring up my spirit with this desire to go, this time I wasn’t scared.
One night after my sister had fallen asleep I decided to go check out what The World Race was all about. I began to see the routes, all the countries I could see and all the ministries I could partner with. I felt so excited. But then one thought stopped me right in my tracks. “How could you be accepted on the World Race if you haven’t even been clean for a month? You’d never be accepted.” The excitement was gone.
I hit the home page on the website and was about to give up when I saw a video named “Evan’s Story” appear on the page. I remembered Even from earlier that week and so I clicked play.
As I laid in my bed in the middle of the night and saw this video I began to cry. His story was my story and God was using it to speak against the enemies lies. In that moment I understood that my past didn’t define me. God was changing me and transforming me into the person I was always meant to be. That same night I decided to not let fear stop me and I took the first step and applied.
And now here I am, facing downtown Nashville and tears are falling off of my face. I realise God’s plans for my life are so much great than the ones I had for myself. The journey is just beginning and I have a long way to go but I know that God goes before me and is leading me.
No longer will I run away. No longer will I let fear stop me from doing what God has called me to do!
“God has a lifetime of adventures for you, but they won’t happen by accident. You have to make the decision to go. It’s up to you to take a chance, to risk security and comfort and leap into the unknown. Life may send a crisis, but when you’re trap by comfort, only you can choose to leave.” –Seth Barnes
Are you ready to go where God is asking you to go?
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