As dead lines come up I feel like I'm still sooo far away…I don't have gear, insurance, travel tickets and well patents anymore…
I wonder if anyone has these issues as I do…
I keep feeling maybe its to soon for Sept?…Could I push back for January route?…I have already changed routes from July, which to be honest made me feel defeated. I am at a point where I feel like God is just messing with me right now. I know, I know God doesn't put things in your heart only to take them away.
If I had 5$ for every time I told someone about my trip and the response was "whoa thats awesome, I hope you get the money" or I get the awkward look cause I'm a christian missionary, I would have my founds by now…
I can't help feel I am not doing everything I can be doing to be getting the support. Maybe I don't want to go. Can I be honest as to say that I may be at my end with this support raising…
Plus the new friends I have to make on Facebook and hangout times which I don't attend cause I'm either working or have other engagements the times I see a team mates statues saying "hey lets hang out".
I have seen other opportunities to come up for travel that seem so much closer to my goal then this beast of an 11month trip.
I don't want to seem like i'm in a "Ooohh poor sara!!! time". Heck no…
If anything I know God is still along side me showing me His character through this whole thing.
Also showing me the counterfeit of obedience is a state of mind in which you create your own opportunities to sacrifice yourself, and your zeal and enthusiasm are mistaken for discernment. It is easier to sacrifice yourself than to fulfill your spiritual destiny, which is stated in Romans 12:1-2. It is much better to fulfill the purpose of God in your life by discerning His will than it is to perform great acts of self-sacrifice. “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice . . .” (1 Samuel 15:22). Beware of paying attention or going back to what you once were, when God wants you to be something that you have never been. “If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know . . .” (John 7:17).
I guess what I am saying is that the preparation for this trip is taking its toll on me…I wish I had all the money I needed that I felt safe saying I am going in September. I need a miracle, I need 15,500$ for the whole trip I need supports to see what God is doing sending me to the nations who instead of saying "I hope you get the money" actually give money.
I know God is not messing with me, I believe He is sending me.
