Jozi, you have come so far.
But together you will go even further.
Together we can.
Those words were plastered to a side of a building in downtown Johannesburg. It was a advertisement for a local bank. I read the words from the top of a double decker city tour bus thinking about how far South Africa has come in the last century. As I started to take my attention off of the building Justin leaned over to me.
“What if that was God talking to you? What if the sign said Sara?”
I turned back to the sign as the bus continued to make it’s way down the crowded streets of Joburg. As I lost sight of it I repeated what it said, but this time put my name in place of Jozi.
Sara, you have come so far.
But together you will go even further
Together we can.
The tour continued, but I was no longer focused on what was being said. My attention was now taken over by the powerful truth of that sign.
I turned to the Lord, and started to tell him how I can’t do this without him. That I want more of him. That I want to walk more into what he wants. I told him that I need him more than I ever have. I want more of him everyday. I am hungry for him.
After spending time with the Lord, I took a look back at my life. I looked at how far I have come, even since starting the race. There were times I leaned on myself. In those times it seemed like no matter how hard I tried I could never move forward. Things would always become messy, difficult, and unpleasing. But no matter how uncomfortable that was I would fall into that cycle of relying on myself and putting the Lord on the back burner. Almost like he was a safety net.
How could I think that I was greater than the Lord? That’s what I was doing, right? Not going to him first, but only after what I was trying to do failed.
I was ashamed to know that I had lived that way, and unfortunately find myself falling back to it.
The big question I asked myself is why don’t I trust the Lord unconditionally?
He showed me many things, but there was one that hit me hard. Something I have been working on with the Lord for the last couple months.
I think I am a burden.
Ouch.
My teammates have been helping walk out of this lie that has been engraved in my mind. There are many factors that go into why this lie seems to have such a grip on me, but now is not the time or place to elaborate on them. I have realized that I thought I was a burden to others, but what hurts is I thought I was a burden to the Lord.
I found myself trying to fix things that I should have given to the Lord. Holding onto things when I know he wanted me to hand them over to him. I tried not to “bother” him with my problems, even though he already knew them and wanted me to give them to him.
I feel ashamed.
But the best thing about the Lord is his Grace and unfailing love for us. No matter what I have done or not done he forgives me. He still continues to call me deeper, stretching me, and challenging me to let him take control.
I am finally believing that I am not a burden. Not to my team, not to my squad, not to anyone especially the Lord. He has put him here for such a time as this, and wants to use me. Not me by myself, but together with him he wants to use me. He wants the best for me. He wants me to grow. He wants me to go further.
Sara, you have come so far.
But together you will go even further.
Together we can.
Those words are such a sweet reminder of his promise for us.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.
-Proverbs 3:5-6
