I keep going on a pendulum swing going back and forth on how I feel about funding for the race. I just read an email from my mobilizer telling me I should have the $3,500 by June 1st. I’m a little upset at myself for not paying closer attention to the deadlines. I thought that money was suppose to be in by the 14th of July.
Where is $2,500 more going to come in by this Sunday?
I feel like I haven’t done enough to try – but at the same time don’t know what to do or who to ask. I’m stuck. I really want to give up. I’m stressed way beyond what I need to be. Part of me is saying that it’s not worth it. I know they’re lies. I feel like giving into them and not caring anymore.
I don’t have enough money to buy everything I need before training camp [the gear (pack, sleeping bag, floor pad, shoes, tent)] let alone everything else for the race.
What I’m about to say may or may not be the right perception, but I feel like the people going on the race – for the most part, come from homes where they are better off financially so funding is probably easier for them. I don’t come come from that type of home. I come from a single parent family household and have been blessed with a mom who who goes to work an hour away almost everyday to provide for us. I try to not let circumstances get in the way of what I know I could achieve, but honestly I’m getting tired of trying to rise above what is expected of me. Looking at my life, I should not have been in the place that I am in life now and it has only been by God’s grace that I have made it this far.
I don’t know if many people go on my blog at all – but whether your a stranger, acquaintance, family or friend, please pray for me. There are hard changes that have happened in the last 2 months for me. I didn’t expect for them to feel this way. Pray for encouragement, support spiritually and financially. I’ve also been feeling slightly sick these past 2 weeks with headaches, stomach aches, sore throat and unrestful sleep patterns. It’s been minor, but I don’t want it to escalate.
I didn’t like the idea of blogging, but I guess it serves a good purpose.
