you know which post of mine is the most popular? with over 3,500 hits, it’s “lessons from pride & prejudice.” i turn 28 years old in 9 days and i have this itch to a do remix/revised edition of this post. so here goes…
The World Race is about adventure but estrogen still runs through my veins, so I brought one of my favorite movies along: Pride and Prejudice (the adaptation starring Keira Knightley). Here’s a chunk of dialogue that’s strikes a chord in me every time I watch, especially as I get older and remain single: “My dear Lizzie, I’ve come here to tell you the news.Mr. Collins and I are engaged.”“Engaged?”“Yes.”“To be married?”“Yes, of course, Lizzie, what other kind of engaged is there?Oh for heaven’s sake, Lizzie, don’t look at me like that.There was no earthly reason why I shouldn’t be happy with him as any other.”“But he’s ridiculous!”“Oh, hush. Not all of us can afford to be romantic.I’ve been offered a comfortable home and protection.There’s a lot to be thankful for.”“Charlotte. . .”“I’m 27 years old. I’ve no money and no prospects.I’m already a burden to my parents. And I’m frightened.So don’t judge me, Lizzie, don’t you dare judge me.”
I wrote this post during the first month of the Race, in October 2008, the portions of which I’ll italicize:
Here I am: 16 hours away from home, 25 years old, little money in my personal account and living off of the generous stewardship of others, without prospects because I made a covenant to be wholly His and to respect and honor the men of the g-squad as my brothers in Christ. I’m still trying to walk in the freedom to receive my parents’ gift of bearing my financial obligations while on the Race; figuring out how to be independent again post-Race is gonna be a whole other can of worms.
Well, it would seem over two years later not much has changed. I draw a salary because of the generous stewardship of others, allowing me to do things like pay bills. Looks like God also intends to keep me dependent on him – including financially. That is a can of worms, indeed.
I did my best to honor and respect the men on my squad as brothers, and by God’s grace, keeping that no-dating covenant brought so much freedom. Once I set foot on U.S. soil at the conclusion of my Race, there was no more covenant to keep and ironically, the freedom that came with that covenant seemed to disappear, too.
And still no prospects. Well, that isn’t entirely true. I went on my first blind date last spring, which was an overall positive experience. And that was that.
…Before the World Race ever entered my mind as a way of life, what Charlotte felt were real fears for me. Even though I knew that obedience brings blessing, a part of me feared that stepping out into missions would exclude hopes for marriage. But I don’t anymore.
And I still don’t fear that anymore but I do find myself shuttling back and forth between impatience and contentment with my singleness.
I am going to soak in the freedom I have as God’s Beloved, the apple of His eye, as His precious daughter. I am called to extend His kingdom in all kinds of ways, and only when I’ve given all of myself to Him can I be fully used. This year of my life is my alabaster jar, and I gladly break it open and pour it out, anointing His feet.
That still holds true. Now it looks like my alabaster jar’s been refilled, waiting for me to decide how I’ll pour it out.
Some follow up thoughts in my other blog.
