hi dunamis. here’s a glimpse of my weakness, this is where i can’t see, the blind spot i need (but won’t always feel like i want) you to check for me. thanx in advance.
i’m leaving the u.s. in 9 days and i am sick with a cold that worries my mom ’cause it doesn’t sound like it’s getting better.
i’m sick because i didn’t exercise common sense, didn’t heed the advice of our missions pastor and friend, and most importantly wasn’t praying and asking the Lord.
our squad’s been going through a 40 day fast prior to launch; in the midst of those 40 days, we fasted from food for 3 days. most of us (and by most of us, i mean, everyone but me) had prayed about what we would fast from. some of us came up with things like facebook, coffee, chocolate, etc. there was lots of thought and deliberation going into the fast – but not from me.
oh no, i just plunged into it; i decided to fast by eating only once a day, drinking water, juice, coffee, tea and any other liquid form of nourishment when i wasn’t eating. i broke this fast a couple times but even when i stuck to it, i wasn’t always keeping it. at least, i wasn’t engaging in the fast the way God had in mind as seen in isaiah 58.
my friend and our missions pastor sat in a korean bakery in annandale, va several weeks ago so we could check in with each other. our pastor asked me if i had been getting in shape. i told him i hadn’t been exercising because i had been fasting.
“why would you do that?” he asked incredulously. couldn’t i fast in a different way, he asked. it’s important for me to be healthy before i go.
i thought i was depending on God. i figured He’d sustain me. i thought i’d be prepared for the full fast.
right? not quite, as it turns out.
what kept me from modifying my fast, to something that really consumes my time? why didn’t i take a hint from people who could see what i could not? God was trying to tell me something. i didn’t listen.
and now, my mom, who doesn’t quite understand fasting (but clearly, i don’t either – despite what i’ve been reading and the resources my squadmates are pointing me to), as she listens to my not-so-kosher cough, calls me out. i’m about to go to a foreign country – different food, water, environment – yet by fasting the way i chose to (rather than asking the Lord), i’ve set my immune system up for failure against what would’ve been a simple common cold.
mmmm, humble pie: oh, mom knows best.
hmmm, i wonder how i was fine with the full food fast. . . oh, i dunno, could it be that being sick has an uncanny way suppressing your appetite? [dripping sarcasm]
i had nothing to say to mom. hindsight is 20/20. aside from my lack of common sense, which apparently my brother sees from miles away (but i don’t, harhar), and stubbornness, it was my religiosity.
such a dirty word, that “r” word. it’s been fascinating to read through luke to see Jesus in action, to watch Jesus activate His followers. . . and now quite sobering to see a bit of my ex-self in the pharisees.
i got stuff done in preparation for the world race when i was fasting and sometimes i did spend quality time with God. perhaps if i had more prayerfully and intentionally entered the fast and sought the Lord throughout, i might’ve felt His full sustenance. not that i’m not in His hands now, but i might be held up, hearty and hale – even after days of going without food – without this hacking cough.
this is gonna be quite a year walking out what it means to BE the will of God. it’ll be 11 months of stripping off the vestiges of my former life as the dutiful elder brother and instead letting my Father run after me, even though i’ve such a long way to go. i’m getting a taste of that now, right here on american soil through this lesson on how not to fast.
i can’t imagine what that’s gonna look like beyond launch. haha. it’s too late now. “i have decided to follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back. . . “
[sigh] i can only ask God to forgive my folly and pride and humbly ask for His healing. will you join me in that prayer?
meanwhile, please excuse me, i’m going to enjoy the 미역국 (pronounced MEE-yuk-gook, it’s seaweed soup) my mom just cooked. in america, it’s chicken noodle soup, in korea, it’s seaweed soup.
