It’s hard to believe that just five months ago I was packing up my apartment. I wrestled with what to do with all of the “stuff” I’ve accumulated over the last few years of my young adult life. Some were memories that would be irreplaceable and others were just clutter taking space on what would be empty shelves. Part of me felt as though God wanted to strip me of all of those materialistic things but I was able to quickly dismiss that thought justifying it however I saw fit at the time.
Three weeks ago I arrived at training camp. My world was turned upside down. A void that had taken up residence in my heart for some time slowly revealed itself and I could begin dealing with it. I had no idea how much baggage I was holding onto. One of my precious squad leaders, Dura, prayed with me to help rid that “baggage.” We prayed specifically for things to be let go, anxiety to be gone, relationships to be healed, and for trust in what God has for the future. I felt the Holy Spirit again that day. For the first time in what seems like an eternity I was full. Full of peace. Grace. Love. Forgiveness. Him. The void was gone. I danced like no one was watching at training. I sang without fear of anyone hearing my voice. I laughed so much with my squad it felt as if I had known these people my whole life. They spoke power and truth over me. They encouraged me. I felt completeness. I could hear from God again.
This weekend my team and I decided to fast, pray and support a teammate who hadn’t met her launch deadline. She was short around $1500. The great thing about my squad is that there is an incredible unity. It’s not an option for someone to not go. We are all participating in this together. Now, my fasting day wasn’t until Wednesday but I still prayed for my teammate who was raising the money and also for the one fasting. Donations poured in all day long including $500 from a customer in Starbucks where she is employed. I think by the end of the day she had $1300 in donations. If that wasn’t God I don’t know what is. I prayed about how much my portion to donate would be and I asked God to multiply it for her even more than he had already. I wanted her to be as blessed as I have been during this season. I woke up Tuesday morning and felt the urge to check my funding which I’ve been able to resist lately. The amount that I donated to my teammate had multiplied 7 times in my account. WHAT???? I was trying to bless my teammate and He instead blessed me. He continues to teach me lessons even when I’m not searching for them. I can’t even begin to form the words to describe everything that’s happened through this journey and we haven’t set foot on international ground yet. My fasting day was Wednesday. It was hard. It was something I had never done before and I’m not sure that I had fully prepared for it. I know I’ll have more chances and I’m actually excited to see how He works and grows me in those times.
So why did I start this off with the reminiscing of my apartment packing? Well, that whole getting rid of my possessions has resurfaced again. I had my amazing hammock for the Race mailed to my mom’s house and politely asked for them to watch out for it. It arrived and within a few hours became lost in the endless amounts of junk we have. I was livid. I know that sounds extreme but I was. I’ve learned that I have too much of an attachment to things that are labeled as mine. I discovered this first when half of our squad’s luggage was “lost” and I needed to open up my tent and my belongings to two other squad-mates. Sure I loved them but it was still harder than I thought it would be to practice that “hospitality.” That’s not ok. That is a flaw I’m seeing God wanting to work out in me. I’m choosing to listen to Him this time. I have allowed myself one standard bin for memories to keep and everything else is going to be sold in my yard sale fundraiser next Saturday. It’s time for me to move when God is telling me to and to trust that He will provide for me. Hasn’t He proven that already on more than one occasion?
Let God use you as He sees best and your life will never be the same. I’m slowly learning to trust that and rest in that peace.
