Two and half years ago I first heard that phrase.
I stepped off a plane late into the evening and hesitantly boarded a bus to the small town of Monti Cristi, Dominican Republic where I was going to serve at an orphanage. It was hands down the scariest bus ride I had ever been on and I think it’s safe to say the same for the one other passenger. For several hours, I anxiously tried to plan out what the next three months of my life would look like all while my bus driver was dodging potholes, ditches, and stray dogs travelling at a ridiculous speed. After the earthquake in Haiti, there were checkpoints in the Dominican to make sure Haitians weren’t being smuggled into the country. Haitians would try to sneak into the country in order to find work and ways to provide for their families. Not knowing that in advance and not having a good grasp of the language I was alarmed when two men boarded my bus with guns interrogating me with questions I couldn’t understand. After several miscommunications and awkward language barriers I put together that I wasn’t in harm’s way. The two men stepped off our bus and we continued on our way. Once I arrived to my new home, I found my bunk and tried to fight off the typical sounds of a developing country; mosquitos, squealing pigs, cows, motos, and of course the disco. I remember going to bed thinking, “what in the world did I get myself into” and “am I going to make it?”
I find myself having a similar experience now. What in the world am I doing? What am I going to do next year after the Race? Where will I be in five years? Will I have a husband and children? Will my friends have moved on? Will I be able to survive India? How much seafood am I going to have to consume? Will I get Malaria? Will my team hate me? Will I have to preach? Those questions plus so many more constantly flood my mind. I have become obsessed with this thing called The World Race.
I have absolutely fallen in love with so many members of my squad. I have a connection with them that I can’t even explain. I’ve never met any of these people. How is that possible? We have so many ways to communicate with each other it makes it so easy to focus solely on that and forget that there are still four months left here in Tallahassee, Florida. What are the things God is placing in front of me now? In the beginning, it was so great to get 300 plus text messages a day from these people I love. But then it hit me. I’m so focused on the future that I forget about the present. Referring back to the Dominican, I was taught the phrase, “This Is It.” When I began my leadership training there, I had to teach it weekly to new teams that arrived. It wasn’t until my turn to say goodbye that I actually understood the meaning. At the end of every week I would see volunteers crying after their debrief session and I didn’t understand why. How were they already so attached to kids they had only known for a week? I had weeks even months of time with these kids over these volunteers. I will never forget the pit I had in my stomach when Nena, one of my favorite little girls from the orphanage, asked me why I couldn’t live at the orphanage with them. I will never forget that same night holding Luis Alberto and rocking him one last time. Most nights I walked over before bed time to rock Luis and David and to catch up with the caretakers on the orphanage side. I loved that time with the kids. Six months had flown and the whole time I was there my mentality was “oh, you still have months left.” Those months became weeks. The weeks became days. And those few days turned to hours. Time flies so fast and you can’t get those precious moments back. I find myself now wishing these four months away so that the Race can start and I can be on my adventure. I am constantly reminding myself that “this is it.” I won’t get these four months back.
Recently, I have bonded with an incredible group of new people who have been so encouraging and loving. I am blown away every time I’m with them. They have taught me what it’s like to love unconditionally. I was an outsider and they welcomed me with open arms no questions asked. You see I never intended to be close with these people. I found a community I was comfortable with and thought it would just be a temporary fill for a void I’d discovered but would soon be replaced by “S-Squad.” I’ve begun to realize my time with these new friends is short. I want to put as much effort in building relationships with them while I’m here as I would with my new friends on the Race. God has placed each one of these people in my life NOW for a reason and for that I am so thankful. I don’t want to spend my time with them pondering what I will do after the Race. I don’t want to continue to wish my life away. I need to be more in the moment and be thankful for where I am now. God will lead me to the path He has and that path isn’t going to change through my worry. My relationships with people, however, may. These precious, valuable moments are the ones I need to focus on now. THIS IS IT.
