I am Struggling…

This is the most jumbled blog I think I’ve ever written.

I recently
read this in the book Crazy Love by
Frances Chan.

“If life is like an escalator then pursuing Christ is
like… “We are on a never-ending
downward escalator. In order to grow, we have to turn around and sprint up the
escalator putting up with perturbed looks from everyone else who is gradually
moving downward (when we stop running we start to drift downwards)… What does
running toward Christ and pursuing Love look like in daily life?� (pg. 95ish)

It looks freaking hard and sometimes very impossible!!!!!!

This last couple of weeks have been some of the hardest so far
on The Race. My beliefs are being challenged and I’m being pushed more then I
want to be. I’m uncomfortable, yet again!  God is teaching me a lot but it is exhausting and not always
that much fun.

I feel like I’m sprinting up the escalator already and God is
telling me to go faster (or is society)! I’m exhausted and it honestly hurts. I
don’t want to fast. I don’t want to believe what others believe. I don’t want
to pray specifically for a spiritual gift. I don’t want to stay up and worship
all night. I don’t want to do what they want me to do. But God is what you’re
wanting me to do?

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a
right spirit within me�

In John
4:6 Jesus says “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the
Father except through me.�

What I’m
struggling with is how is this one truth fully understood and sought after with
so many religions and denominations in the world today. Who are we to say we
are right and others are wrong? How is one persons interpretation of a verse
completely different from anothers, yet we are still believing in this one
truth?  We listen to sermons, read
books, and argue about it, who is right and wrong?

Discernment

(definitions
from Oxford American Dictionaries)

1.  
The ability to judge well

2.  
(in Christian contexts) perception in the
absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding

I’m so
tired of this word.  Is anything we
ever do judgment free? Within the Christian context what makes discernment okay
and true?  How do we know when we
receive pure discernment from the Holy Spirit?  How are we to trust others discernment?

 

I know there are a lot of questions I’m not looking for
answers really. Any advice or direction though is greatly appreciated! This is just stuff I’m really struggling with and trying to figure out right now in my life. Thank
you for reading and trying to sift through all of this. I just needed to vent!

Peace and Love,

Sandy