I don't know exactly what I'm feeling at this moment. I have so many emotions within me and I am constantly contradicting myself and my faith. I admit it, I have issues… Hello my name is Sandra and I have issues, faith issues.
I have never met someone as emotionally unstable as me. I have all the faith in the world and believe
God is my provider and 1 month and 16 days is enough to fundraise $3500, or is it? Why can't I just pick a side and stick with it!
Then there are days like today were I kind of just explode and let it all out. I like these days, not only because I'm a girl and I like to cry but it's on these days that God speaks clearly into my heart.
For about two weeks I've been holding on to the constant struggle in my head. Where is God in all of this? Am I going to make the next deadline? Why am I questioning what I should already know?
Today is the day and I've cried it all out, I can now see the truth. I've already pick a side, I choose you God! (Pokémon just came to mind) I know that God will provide, actually He's already provided. I was accepted on to the race September 9th and in 1 month I fundraise $1692.00. What? Yeah in one month God provided more than a thousand dollars! Is that even real? I am so focused on all the money I had forgotten to stop and thank God for all He has already provided.
God has been speaking to me and trying to get my attention and confirm He's got my back. However, I had manage to pile so many questions and doubts I had silenced His voice in my life. One thing is very clear in my mind now, I know the side I’ve already chosen.
All the back and forth in my life doesn’t come from not knowing what I believe, actually it’s because deep down I know God will provide. I do question myself but only because I don’t want to let those bad thoughts in, so my “good” side is fighting my “bad,” not the other way around.
I refuse to let all the bad thoughts blind me from all the amazing blessings God is giving me. I wonder how many people out there have also piled on so high they question were God is in their lives?
Emotionally unstable peeps assemble! (yes I know.. Transformers is on my mind too) Let’s fight back and not let the enemy take these blessings away!.
