meet Emmi:
Emmi is team Gozo’s ministry contact this month. She is the founder of the Lighthouse, Won Generation Kafe and Door 2 Door ministries which we have been serving with this month. She’s pretty spunky, a whole lot of personality shoved into a really tiny body.
The first day being with Emmi she gave us a little briefing about what we’d be doing this month, but also felt like she should share with us a little about herself. She felt like it was important for us to know who we are serving under.
So, I asked if I could now share it with you…
Emmi was born in one of the villages outside of Chiang Mai, Thailand. Her parents were hoping for a baby boy, so, when Emmi came out as a girl, the family was not thrilled. They went as far as calling her a curse and blaming any sort of ‘bad luck’ the family encountered on the innocent baby girl.
When Emmi was about three years old, her dad came home from a long day of working in the rice fields and found his wife in the living room with another man. Without thinking Emmi’s dad chased the man out and beheaded Emmi’s mom. Shortly after he was confronted with the fact that the man was a cousin and he had mis-read the situation.
He turned himself into jail. Emmi was left alone. Her mother dead, her father in jail. Her grandparents on her father’s side wouldn’t take her in because they still blamed her for the family falling apart, they truely believed she was a curse. Her mother’s side wouldn’t take Emmi in because, they said, Emmi’s face resembled that of her father’s too much. At three years old Emmi was left alone.
Emmi grew up in a christian orphanage and learned about Jesus’ love through the missionaries. Through many God encounters Emmi joined YWAM and has since started up the three organizations and is just on fire for the Lord. If you met this woman of God, you’d have no idea what she’s lived through.
As she was telling her story, one part in particular hit me hard. One part kept my heart turning and my mind racing, the part when she talked about forgiving her father…
I’m not sure how much you know about me, or how much of my story I’ve shared with you. But, let’s just say, I had a unique childhood…
My ‘father’ left before I was born, my mom remarried and I was adopted by a very abusive man. I was young when my mother left him, but the memories are there.
The Lord has been so good to me. He has walked with me through so much inner healing and forgiveness and has done a number in my life, but as I was listening to Emmi talk about her and her father’s relationship, I was left very unsettled.
Emmi said that one day the Lord asked her to forgive her dad. She said ‘no’, so the Lord asked her again. Three times the Lord asked Emmi to forgive her dad. Finally, she asked ‘why?’ and the Lord said, ‘he’s just a man, don’t you think that he’s hurting too?’. And that was enough to convince Emmi. She has forgiven him. And not just with words, but her heart has released him. In fact, it’s his village that the Door 2 Door ministry visits and that I’ll be living in next week.
This challenged me a bit. I had forgiven my brother’s dad…right? I had gone through counseling, took the classes, said the words. Plus, I was so young when it all happened, it couldn’t have really effected me right?
Gently my Father began to show me that I hadn’t. He began to show me the depth of my wounds and that I have never allowed Him really go there, thus never allowing myself to be fully healed. He began to show me how much power I still allowed this man to have over me. Showing me that I hadn’t even been able to say that man’s full name out loud, I’d either use his first name only or refer to him as my brother’s dad. He showed me that I have always faced my past with strength, but had never acknowledged the hurt.
So, weeping, I went there. I let myself weep, maybe for the first time, over that little girl that was so hurt. That little girl who was made ashamed and who’s innocence was stolen. I wept over that little girl, who at such a young age, was told ‘this is all your fault’ and who didn’t know any better but to believe it.
And then, using his full name, I acknowledged that he is just a man. That he is broken. That he is hurting. And I decided to forgive him.
What happened to Emmi and I was not ok. The pain we endured and the hurts we encountered were not from the Lord. But our battle is not with flesh and blood; my battle is not with Paul Rowley.
So, Paul, because I’m probably never going to have the opportunity to say this to your face… you’re off the hook. I forgive you.
I still think I’m grieving a little. But, I’ve decided that’s ok. I’ve told the Lord that I don’t know what this process is supposed to look like, but that I’m going to just dive into it. And He in turn told me to write this blog. So, yea. The Lord’s doing a lot in Thailand…and I’m the evidence.
I love you guys.
