🙂
so, i’ve been chewing on this for a bit and have decided to share it with everyone.
a lot of times in my prayer time, or just as i’m conversing with the Lord, i like to tell Him how lovesick i am, or how desperate i am for more of Him. well, a couple of nights ago i had written something along those lines in my journal and then i had a check in my spirit and had to stop and really evaluate.
am i really that desperate for more of Him? am i really that lovesick? or are these just words that i have learned in my christian walk? are these words that i am just saying because i like how they sound?
i started asking those questions in my journal…i figured that if i wasn’t acutally desperate or lovesick, the Lord knew, so it made sense to talk this out with Him.
the next morning we went to a christian Chinese church service and one of the songs we sang in worship had this line they kept repeating that said ‘i’m so desperate for more of you’. as much as i wanted to sing along, i felt like i should sit this one out.
i came home and did a quick word study on the word ‘desperate’ and this is what i found:
desperate: Adjective
the second definition really stook out to me.
reckless abandon in the pursuit of an extreme desire
that’s how i want my relationship with the Lord to be defined. i want to be desperate. i want to be so hungry and so in pursuit of Him nothing else matters. i want to be so lovesick that fear doesn’t stand a chance. i want to be reckless.
i’m not certain that i’m there yet. but, the desire is there. Psalm 1:1-3 reads:
Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree
Planted by the rivers of water,
That brings forth its fruit in season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.
i was really encouraged by these verses because that tree does not have to strain or strive in order to grow. it doesn’t do anything in order to produce fruit in its season. all it does is stay planted in the water and the Lord does the rest.
so, right now, in this weird season that i am in… where the Lord keeps giving me things to chew on and i feel like i’m experiencing growing pains, i can take comfort in the fact that as i keep my delight in Him, He is doing the work inside of me.
as i desire to become desperate, He is making me so. and as i desire to become lovesick… He is showing me how lovesick He is.
whelp,
there you go
i thought this was going to be a lot shorter
but, this is what the Lord’s been doing in Malaysia
love ya
