Here on the Race we do something called ‘Feedback’. It is quite often poked fun of as stereotypical ‘Race Lingo’ but in all sincerity, it has completely changed my view on what it means to be a good communicator.
I think we are raised in a society where vulnerability is not generally encouraged. When I cried or was upset I was considered ‘dramatic’. When I felt a certain way about a person, I was encouraged not to tell them, friends in high school convince you that you can’t tell him how you feel, or can’t tell her how she hurt you. Instead we’ve developed a repertoire of games; playing hard to get, being passive aggressive or using sarcasm. These are all tactics to avoid honest vulnerability.
I’m not sure why we’ve decided that vulnerability is a bad thing? Maybe because in our society we crave control, and vulnerability is seen as a weakness, which is seen as not bring in control of our own emotions and state of mind. However, I have no idea where that lie came from. Being completely vulnerable; being able to speak purely from the heart, directly communicate to people when we are proud of them, or when they hurt us, is a true testament to how in control and in touch you are, with both your emotions and your identity.
The Bible tells us repeatedly how important our words are, that to never let falsehoods slip from our mouths, “let your yes’s be yes’s and your no’s, no’s”, that our words can speak life or death.
We grow up hearing the old phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Once again that is the biggest falsehood I have ever heard. I think most of us can agree, that in our lives, we’ve probably been hurt far more severely by someone’s words, rather than a physical attack. And I will even go as far to suggest that we’ve developed that phrase to deny ourselves of the true feelings we experience, instead of being vulnerable and just telling someone, ‘you hurt my feelings.’
Communication is everything. Both encouraging and constructive. Words that come purely from the heart, with the intention of calling those around us to greatness; that kind of honest interaction, increases the quality of your community quicker than anything else I have ever encountered. It is a greatly underestimated tactic, but we easily forget how powerful words really are.
Here on the Race we do Feedback every day. We call things out in each other, be them affirming statements that acknowledge one another’s good works, or encouraging statements, that help push each other into further greatness. We do this for each other every day, and it works. It is the foundation of a healthy community; it is the foundation of a loving community. A family of individuals that love each other enough to call them to greatness, to invest in their personal growth, and help call them up when their foot slips; that is real love and real community.
Communication is greatly underrated in our society. But I believe that is a huge component why relationships of all shapes and sizes falter, because we speak in falsehoods. We use sarcasm, passiveness and apathy to create the illusion that we are okay, and we are in control. But we’re not. Words are beautiful, and they are extremely powerful. So let your yes’s be yes’s and your no’s, no’s. Speak honestly to one another, your lips are more powerful than you realize, speak life rather than death.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Proverbs 18:21
