I elected to come on the Race where a God-fearing community would surround me, where I would be studying His word, praying with more frequency than ever before, and furthering the Kingdom with every step I took. I believed that because of the intensity of the Lord’s Presence, my love for Him and my intimacy with Him would become automatic. I believed that because of my environment, I would reach new heights in my relationship with the Lord, heights that could not be achieved at home. I believed that if I wanted to take my relationship with the Lord to the next level, I had to come out here, I had to do this, I had to live in this Jesus-concentrated environment. And I believed that once I reached that point with the Lord, I could return home and continue to soak in it everyday for the rest of my life.
Well folks, turns out I was wrong, very wrong. Yes, this is a God-centered community. Yes, I’ve prayed more in the past 5 months than I have in my entire life. I read His word everyday, I talk about Him everyday, the work we do is for Him, and we are out here because of Him, all of that is clear. However, that in no way dictates my intimacy with the Lord. The truth is, someone could go through all 11 months of the Race, live every single day out here, and return home not one inch closer to the Lord.
That’s because Love is a choice. Yes, this environment is very conducive to growth. It warrants great opportunity to expand my relationship with Him. But I’ve hit dry spells, even here. Where my prayers are empty, my heart is selfish, I’m distant from God, and I get nothing from His word. Those times still come, that distance from Him still plagues me, even in this Kingdom Focused community.
If I can’t reach 24/7-automatic-worship mode out here, in these conditions, with this community, than there is no chance I’m going to reach it back home in the States, with all the temptations and distractions. However, that’s because my love for Him is not meant to be in an automatic-worship mode. Our love for Him, our state of worship, is not meant to be put on autopilot. Love is a choice; real love is a choice, that’s why God graced us with Free Will. Without a free choice, we can’t accurately understand true love.
My love for my God, my intimacy with Him, will never become automatic, or a second thought. It has to be my first thought, first thing in the morning, each and every day for the rest of my life. That’s the truth. I will have to roll over each morning, open my eyes and thank the Lord for waking me. He must be my very first thought; He must be my very first choice. Not just today, not just tomorrow, or here on the Race, or for a couple years time until I truly know who He is, but everyday for the rest of my life, I must choose to make my God THE priority in my life.
I used to see putting God first as an expectation that I could never live up to. As an obligation that is more of a punishment than a blessing. That’s because for so many years the church painted the picture of a condemning God, a fire-and-brimstone God that is only lurking around the corner waiting to strike at my every mistake.
However, when I started to read the Word, I learned that our Father is anything but. He loves us; he loves us to a capacity that we could never understand. He knows us more intently than we will ever know ourselves, “Even before there was a word on my tongue, Behold, O Lord, You know it all”. He knows my every thought, my every move, He knows who I am inside and out, because He “wove me in my mother’s womb”. If I could count all the thoughts He has for me “they would outnumber the sand”(Psalm 139), the grains of sand people! That’s a lot of thoughts. My God doesn’t condemn me, or look down upon me, He adores me, as a Father adores His child, His creation. Choosing Him first thing, every morning, is not a punishment or an obligation, it’s a blessing. It’s rolling over and giving my Father a hug, telling Him I love Him and allowing Him to hold me for a moment. Giving Him my day and allowing Him to bless me throughout it, because quite honestly if I want my day to be in the hands of anyone, I think the Creator of the entire Universe is probably a good choice.
The Race has taught me that although it facilitates great intimacy with the Lord (if I choose to accept it), it is not a cure all. I will have to pursue the Lord every day of my life, no matter where I am. He will have to be my first thought every morning, and my first love in every moment.
As if this wasn’t clear enough:
“In everything you do, put God first, and He will direct you and crown your efforts with success.” Proverbs 3:6 (TLB)
