“Come follow me,” Jesus said, and I will send you out to fish for people.” At once they left their nets and followed him.
Matthew 4:19-20
The topic of abandonment came up at Training Camp and I was kind of thrown off by it. I always thought of someone who was moving to the other side of the world for a long period of time as a person who undergoes this so called idea of abandonment. They leave everything they know and have minimal contact with people back home.
I never thought that was me.
I’ll only be gone for 11 months.
As I sit here 11 days away from Launch, I feel it. I feel the weight of it. I’m leaving everything I know to do what God has called me to do.
The disciples left their nets, their livelihood, to follow Jesus. I didn’t understand the gravity of that statement until now… until I realized my “nets” were my people. My family, my friends, they’ll be here and I’ll be there. Yeah, I’ll be able to contact them, but I don’t want that to be what I hold onto. I don’t want to be waiting for the day I get to call home. I want to cling to Jesus knowing He will meet every longing and desire. I don’t want to have one foot in America and one foot overseas because then what’s the point? What’s the point if I’m in the middle of Thailand, but I’m not fully there? I want to be all in. I want to all there.
But that means I have to leave my net. I have to believe that I’m letting go of one thing knowing full well what the Lord has for me is better. He gives good things.
Right now though? Knowing I’ll be fully committed-to my team, to the Race, to Jesus-come October 2nd, I’m really sad because this season at home is coming to a close.
Last week at church, we talked about not striving to look perfect to people, but rather just being honest with them so this is me being honest. I’m walking through this sadness and fear of what’s to come, but I know I don’t have to sit in it. I know this sadness isn’t the end of the story. I know a God of redemption and hope. I’m so thankful for hope. Hope for tomorrow. Hope for what the Lord is going to do. Hope that all things are working out for good. While I may not see it right now, I know the joy is coming. I mean, the disciples left their nets and got to experience life with the Son of God. Surely great things will come of me leaving my net too.
In these coming days, be praying for peace for all Racers who will be leaving and that we would be fully present where we are. Also be praying for provision in the area of finances because deadlines will be here before we know it.
Thank you times a million,
Sam
P.S. I wrote this two days ago and I am feeling SO much better. The Lord is so good and His hope is very real.
