for those who have wondered about my shift to Gap Year, here is the story–from the messy beginning to the humbling end, and everything in between.
A year ago I was at the beach with some friends and we were talking about changes coming at work. We knew that a World Race mentor was going to have to shift into Gap Year (the world race for 18-22 yr olds) and we were praying it wasn’t us. I was clinging to my job like it ruled my identity and deep within I knew I was going to be called to give it up.{at the time I didn’t know it was coming, but looking back I can clearly pinpoint the different places the Spirit prepared me for it}
A week later I was asked to move to Gap Year.
My transition was anything but smooth. It was messy and hard and I cried a lot. I got hurt and triggered and seriously considered moving on from Adventures. Shifting to something different felt like I was being pushed aside from the thing that I loved deeply. I know that my emotions should never get the head of the table, but when discomfort is looming they have a tendency to plant themselves firmly in the seat of decision making. All I felt was rejection, fear and disappointment, regardless of the many reasons why this change would be incredible. Nonetheless, I said yes because I refused to let my emotions rule my decisions and deter me from obedience to the Holy Spirit.
A day after I said yes to the job I got on a plane to spend 3 weeks in Nepal and India with my WR squad. As soon as I returned to America my new squad was at Training Camp; ready or not my journey with Gap J was beginning.
That first day I asked the Lord to give me His heart for the squad because in my own strength I just wasn’t there yet. That night my new boss came over and said, “I know you weren’t thrilled about this change but seeing you with your racers, from the outside looking in, you’d never know the wrestle your having within. You are all in and I’m glad your on my team.” Those may not have been her exact words but I remember the look she gave me and I knew in that moment the Lord’s heart for His children was actively flowing in me and I was in store for something beautiful.
By the end of camp I was in love with my squad. I kneeled on the floor during the last night of worship and wept. I didn’t deserve to lead these people. I couldn’t fathom how me, the one running from this, was chosen to journey with 52 incredible humans. Those feelings of “i don’t deserve this” would follow me the entire year as I became humbly aware of the Lord’s goodness.
The next several months were a blur. I slipped in and out of burnout as I tried to manage two squads and an interview process. As I headed to Gap J’s first debrief I was hanging on for dear life in my job. I was worn out, exhausted and was beginning a 3 week stint of time on the field.
That debrief was one of my hardest. Battling burnout from the field was tough, but the Lord reminded me to look for Him because He would lead me through it. The week was filled with hard conversations, beautiful surprises, fervent prayer and new ground in the Kingdom. He began to show me that living in His goodness did not mean that everything would be easy and fun- His goodness and the fulfillment of promises is marked by hills and valleys, struggles and celebrations. I learned that goodness and abundance go hand in hand and the Lord was bringing me into a season that would be really, really good.
“For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing out in the valleys and hills, a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive trees and honey, a land in which you will eat bread without scarcity, in which you will lack nothing, a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. And you shall eat and be full, and you shall bless the Lord your God for the good land he has given you”
-Deuteronomy 8:7-10
I could type for days about the things that happened over the next 8 months but you’d for sure stop reading because no one has that kind of time. In short, the next 8 months were filled with stories of my people leading hundreds to Christ, laying hands on the sick and watching the Lord heal them, finding street kids and befriending them, and so much more. It became normal to lead someone to Christ while walking down the street, or praying for a woman to get out of her wheelchair and walk, and then watching her walk for the first time in 50 years. Gap J saw goodness in the land of the living and they choose to live that out everyday. I saw the Lord goodness in their phone calls, emails, social media posts, and in the Lord’s movement in my own life. It was not an easy journey, but looking back I see His hand woven in every conversation, decision and moment.
It’s been a year since that week at the beach I’m on one last flight, returning home from final debrief. Their journey is over and my time as a squad mentor has come to a close (I have a new job at Adventures-stay tuned for more details!). If you had told me a year ago that moving to Gap Year would be the best decision I could possibly make I’d have laughed. I was so fearful that Gap Year would be filled with surface level conversations and flashbacks to my high school lunch room, but what I experienced was the complete opposite.
I saw 18-22 year old men and women passionately running after the Lord. I saw men of God rising up to lead the church. I saw children become adults. I saw a group of young people walk in high honor to the Lord and authority. I saw chains fall off and walls come down. I saw men and women learn important life skills. I saw freedom break out and weirdness become the norm. I saw people willingly choose to get in an ice cold pool at midnight, just so they could baptize a friend. I saw confidence reign supreme over insecurity. I saw 19 yr olds spark revival in their parents. I saw humility, preference and love. I saw heaven come down to the earth and the name of Jesus be glorified.
My yes to Gap J was one of the best in my life and as I sit on this flight flipping through the pages of notes and pictures they gave me, I am humbled beyond belief that the Lord entrusted me with something so beautiful that I never deserved. This year was a real life example of His grace and how He paid it all for us when we never deserved it. I could have allowed my emotions to rule my future, but instead I chose grace, surrender and humility, and what followed was goodness and abundance.
What we received from the cross is the greatest gift we could ever imagine. Gap J, you were one of my greatest gifts in life. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for a season of abundant goodness. I love you all deeply! Welcome Home!
below are some of my favorite photos from my final debrief!
one last picnic with my coleaders(who are now close friends) in a tree house
worshiping by candlelight with our Zambian brothers
celebrating at final debrief with two of my racers, Chloe and Alyssa
my rockstar leadership team for Gap J!
52 of my favorite humans celebrating a year of goodness!
a journal of notes and photos from the last year!
