It’s really happening. We finished grad school and are moving on to the next phase in our lives. My friends and I spent last weekend embracing in hugs with family as we crossed the stage and received our masters degrees. Then we all hugged and cried as James Taylor’s Carolina in my Mind, played in the background. The tears were because we all realized that each one of us is moving on to the next step in our lives, away from Chapel Hill and the place that has been home for the past two years. The only thing that makes the sadness go away is the promise of reunions, weddings, and get togethers in the months to come…well at least for most of the group those reunions will happen. Then there is me..
The one member of our group who will miss the October wedding, and the Chicago reunion, and my sister’s 21st birthday and the birth of my childhood friend’s firstborn and so many other milestones. The thought of missing all these things brings tears to my eyes because I don’t want to miss all them. I don't want to have to be absent for major life moments that I can’t get back, but then again I don’t want to give up the chance to travel the world and follow the call from God to take His name to the nations. So I realize that I have to choose between the worldly events that will take place in the next 11 months or a chance to develop my relationship with Christ and become closer to that eternal life with Him. The choice is easy, but then again is it?
The decision is a no-brainer, I am doing the World Race and I am choosing to abandon all my worldly comforts and rely solely on Christ to provide. The no- brainer decision is not easy though. It isn’t easy to look at my little sister and know that this will be the first birthday in 21 years that I will miss. Or to think about all my friends at a fall wedding celebrating the beautiful love of two friends, and I’m not there. Or the obvious one, living without my family for 11 months. Nothing about this race is going to be easy, but then again, nothing about being a Christian is easy. We are challenged for our beliefs everyday and Satan is constantly trying to turn us down the wrong path. So as I sit here in tears and Satan tears at my heart because I am afraid to leave behind everyone and everything that will happen in the next 11 months, I am satisfied in His promise to care for me and provide for my needs.
This blog is not meant to be a discouraging one, where I talk about all the sad things I am leaving behind, but so much of what I am leaving behind makes me sad. Yes, I am emotional, like every graduate taking the next step in their life, but behind my hard shell that nothing makes me nervous about the World Race, is the truth, I am nervous for the things that will take place without me. I am not really scared about what will happen on the race, I am sad to think of the things that I will miss while on the race. So in the middle of this fear comes scriptures that calm the storm in my heart and dry the tears in my eyes, and all suddenly my insecurity is gone.
Reading through Matthew today I was caught by a simple verse that I had heard so many times before, “you of little faith, why are you so afraid.” Matthew is full of stories where Jesus healed the sick, calmed storms, walked on water, and fed thousands. So whyyyy am I so weak to think that an 11 month adventure away from home is too hard. Of course it is gonna be hard, but that is what He is there for. He has already provided me with a community in my squad and I can already see my World Race family growing strong as a unit. I am going to have days, like the past week, where I am so weak and homesick, but I know that He would not have given me this opportunity if He did not plan to equip me for it so my worry is put aside and the total joy and excitement for the World Race has returned. "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.."
Peter was afraid to sink into the water so Jesus reached out and caught Him, affirming His faith in Jesus as the Son of God. I know that there will be times when I will be afraid to step out of the boat and onto the water, but I know He will be there to support me and so I put my faith in Him. Our graduate school speaker made a comment that we will leave Chapel Hill and the two years that it has given us, but we will leave it to go on and change the world. So I am leaving Chapel Hill, and taking the initial step out of the boat..now to walk with Him on water…
