I’ve probably joked for a few years now with my mother that if she wanted grandchildren, it would have to be compliments of my two sisters someday when they’re married. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a strong desire for my own. I’ve always enjoyed kids. I’ve worked with them for quite a bit of the last 6 or 7 years. I also LIKE that at the end of the day, I’d get to send them home to their families and I can shed any sort of responsibility for them. 8 hours spent with them during the day was good. That’s long enough for me. I have no idea what having my own child would be like, but I feel like this month I got a small taste of just that.
Oreo goodness.
So for this month in China, we’ve been working in childcare with an orphanage that takes in children with mild to severe cognitive and/or physical disabilities. I was admittedly apprehensive about working with a special needs orphanage. Not necessarily because of the special needs part, but because I spent a whole day at one in India. One day was really about all that I could handle because of the facilities and the standard of care for the children. I wasn’t sure that I was up for a month of that if it was going to be at all comparable.
Pretending to be down for the daily nap.
I don’t think I can ever do this month justice in trying to put my feelings and thoughts into words. I fell in love with these kids. I fell hard. Even writing this and thinking about them brings a little water to the ol’ eyes. Like I said, I think this month is possibly the closest I’ll ever be to fatherhood with youth that aren’t my own. We got into the routine of being involved in all parts of the day from taking them to school to picking them up, meals, and for one special/crazy night, bed time.
My buddy for the month from walks to school to just having a ball.
I looked into so many eyes this month and in them just saw so much joy and love. Children wanting to crawl into laps to look at books or just be held. Holding hands and going for walks through the neighborhood. Getting goodnight kisses on the cheek and “I love you”s. So much laughter. There were also the special moments when I realized that I probably was selling them way too short. Seeing them accomplish and do tasks that most, including myself, wouldn’t have expected them to do. Seeing them behave and act more independently than most children without special needs their age.
Of course, there are all of the funny moments too. Grabbing children and sprinting to the bathroom when they indicate they have to go, because that indicator doesn’t mean going in a few minutes, but instead "take me right this second or you’re going to have to hose me off with the shower head." (Guilty of that one.) I can now sympathize/relate to my folks when they talk about my own childhood when I’d poop my diaper so badly that it’d go up my back. I’m no longer laughing it up about that one either. During my sleepover/night shift at one of the houses, having 6 or 7 young naked kids all in one small bathroom brushing their teeth at the same time while all waiting for a shower from the Ayi (house mother). Then having one of the older boys at the house instruct us on which children got diapers during the night and getting Suzanne and I the right clothes to use. Who’d have thought all that would be funny? It always was though. All I can do is smile about all of those things.
Night shift at one of the houses means having the appropriate game face.
It wasn’t until our final day of ministry and I was at the school saying goodbye to the kids one final time that I realized the magnitude of what these kids mean to me. I couldn’t help shedding tears. More than anything I wanted to stay. In that moment I was willing to skip out on the Philippines if that meant a few more weeks here with these kids. These aren’t my kids, but it certainly felt that way. If I had the means to do so, I could take some of them home with me right now. I have no idea if I’ll ever go back. I could definitely see it, but only if that is what God wants for me. I don’t want to return based on solely emotions and when in fact it should be because He is calling me back. What I do know is that I love those children a ridiculous amount and the blessing of getting to spend time with them is probably one of the greatest one’s I’ve experienced during my life.
