My apologies for this being WAY overdue. As most of you know in mid October I left for almost two weeks to attend a Women’s Retreat and Training Camp for my World Race mission trip. In this blog, there will not be a detailed outline of what exactly I did at Training Camp. I am doing this for two reasons.1) Reading other World Racers Training Camp blogs fizzled my “culture shock” if you will. I was “prepped” in a way to expect some bizarre situations to happen. Yes, I still experienced them, but as I stated earlier the “culture shock” for certain scenarios I faced did not hit me like some of my teammates. On the Race I will experience Culture Shock in numerous types of environments and situations, and Training Camp helps you process what that could be like. So, for the future World Racers to be, who creep on old blogs, much like I did, I’m saving your experience to be completely YOUR experience. 2) I want to tell you about it in person! I am very much a face-to-face talker. Shocker I know! So, please text, call, facebook message, etc just get ahold of me because I desire to tell you all about it.
LIFE BEFORE: Prepping for Training Camp was difficult. I was trying to get ahead in my classes, getting last minute gear and equipment (I tried to go extreme/minimalist at camp, so I knew what I couldn’t live without), and preparing my heart for the two weeks that lay ahead. Focusing on The LORD was key for me. Daily devotionals and reading His word, listening to worship, being in constant pray about anything that was on my heart, being in communion with fellow brothers and sisters. I can truly and joyfully say Christ was at the center of my life leading up to Training camp!
“Seek The LORD and His strength; seek His presence continually” Psalms 105:4
LIFE DURING: Training Camp wrecked me and left me in a mess. A good mess might I add, but a mess nonetheless. Let me start off with the Women’s Retreat. Initially, I wasn’t planning on going to this at all. I didn’t want to commit to it because at the time I still haven’t met my first deadline (it is met and now working towards the second). God quickly convicted my heart about not trusting His timing and provision. So, I did what any crazy lover of God would do. I listen to Him and some an amazing squad sister and committed! Long behold, short few days later after doing that I met my deadline! So, I went to the Women’s Retreat. Sometimes I wonder, “WHY, Sally?!” How did I not know it was going to be all talking about emotions and all that jazz. As most of you know, I do not do emotions…AT ALL. Thank you Lord for leading me into a trap! The Women’s retreat lasted a total of THREE…FULL…DAYS of breaking down walls, barriers, layers of pain, shame and guilt. I tried the first day to keep my stoic self, but when I listen to testimonies of other women, the voices of some of my fellow squad mates and their stories, I realized they are just as broken on the inside as me. I tried just scratching the surface, but as I spoke I felt the Holy Spirit compelling me to go deeper. No one wants to hear about my ugly past, nor do I want them to know. I honestly felt like the dirtiest laundry hanging out for the whole world to see. I tired cleaning it before, but I couldn’t get all the stains out. So, I learned quickly over those three days, to let it be as it is, and let Christ bring redemption to it. So, I did just that. I’m still in the process of letting Christ take those dirty clothes and redeeming them. I’m still living a life of daily forgiveness of the hurt and pain that once was caused in my life. One thing is for sure though, that I am not in this process alone. God stands beside me, in front of me and behind me through the words of life and encouragement He speaks through my world race squad mates, family and friends.
Finishing the Women’s Retreat and moving into Training Camp, God continue to make me into a mess. I was challenged emotionally (again), physically, but mostly spiritually. The biggest heart problem I face was that of entitlement to leadership. About halfway through Training Camp my squad started team exercises. During these times they split us into teams of seven, and gave us different challenges and activities to do. We did this for three days, switching into different groups and doing different activities each time. I knew the AIM staff was looking to form teams within the squad and also looking for team leaders. I often thought they were going to choose me to lead a team. I mean, they had to! Obviously, they were going to see my natural leadership ability. I’ll just get it out of the way and say I wasn’t chosen (INSERT FACE PLANT HERE). After each activity we received an oreo style feedback. What does that mean!? Start with a genuine positive comment of encouragement about the person. Then give a constructive feedback about something they could improve on or did poor at doing. Lastly, end with a positive encouragement affirming of how they can do better. Sounds great, right? Well, it is! Sadly, the observer who did my first one did not follow the oreo style feedback, and I felt embarrassed and ashamed for my actions. I did not want to try to participate as a “leader” in any of the next formulations. So, I didn’t…well to the best of my abilities. Yes, at times, I stepped up because other teammates asked me to, but it ended with the same result. An observer telling me something about my leading, but in a much nicer way than before. I was frustrated and upset. God why weren’t they seeing me as a leader?! You see, I was so concerned about being chosen to be a leader that I found myself competing for it. Lost in my own desires of selfishness, I forgot the point of what a leader is. The most important thing I ignored though was listening for God’s voice of direction. He wasn’t calling me to lead. In-fact He was calling me to follow. This was a hard pill to swallow. Overtime, I realized that God blessed me with a squad with amazing, humble and fruitful leaders. As I looked around and rested in His voice, I noticed that there were people that I would love to follow. The more I talked through it with God, the more He reassured me of who I am in Him. Wether or not I was a leader for a team, did not change who I am in Him. Nor does it not mean I still do not have inherent responsibilities as an image bearer of Jesus Christ.
“Teach me your way, O LORD, that I may walk in your truth; unite my heart to fear your name. I give thanks to you, O LORD my God, with my whole heart, and I will glorify your name forever. For great is your steadfast love toward me” Psalms 86:11-13
The theme of listening to God’s voice carried through the rest of my time at Training Camp. This is an area within my life that I questioned a lot. By this I mean wether or not if what I was hearing and felt was from God or my own desires. Training Camp helped me sharpen my faith in trainign in recongizing God’s voice and when it is not. I learned how to be in-tune to the Holy Spirit, and overcome my own skeptical ideas of the activness and presence of the Holy Spirit in the Body of Christ today.
My team that I will be serving with! Team DUNAMIS. We named ourselves this because it means God’s power. Everything my team will be doing will be in the name of God and from His power and not our own. Left to Right: Amber, Lauyrn, Sally, Will, Jason, Brandon, Christina
These two topics are just snippets of everything I learned and gained from my two weeks. As I move into my life after Training Camp I still face challenges and struggles. Trails come so that I may depend on the Savior more. The deeper I push into Him, the more of His light I am able to bring into the world. I may not always understand His plans for my life at the time, but all I need to know is that He is guiding me into a life that will bring about His kingdom here on earth.
