I looked out of my window as the lush green hills of South Africa moved into the tall, stoic mountains of Swaziland and just knew that it was going to be a good month. I had just spent the weekend with my squad in a little oasis in Nelspruit with a crazy man named Dave, and I was pumped up and ready for what the Lord had in store for me in Swazi. I had moved out of the darkness that I had cocooned myself in in South Africa, I had a fresh perspective on my team, and I was pumped about ministry. Swazi was a new place and it was supposed to bring new and better things. Or maybe not.
I was placed at an Adventures in Missions care point where I had 18 4-year-old SiSwati babies who spoke little to no English aside from “good morning teacher” and “no” and were supposed to be learning their ABCs and 123s. Add to it the fact that their teacher was out on maternity leave and it was just my teammate and I, and you’ve got the perfect mixture for chaotic mornings everyday.
In the afternoons the 8 of us who worked at the care points would go to a place called “Hope House” which is a home for the sick, both young and old. We would spend a few hours there most days chatting and praying and loving.
The first few days were good. Exhausting, but good. We were starting to master the dreaded Kombis (local transportation), I was learning my kids names and personalities, and I had found a precious little guy at Hope House who got most of my attention.
But one day this ugly little thing called bitterness came knocking, and I let it in. Suddenly I was angry at my teammates because their ministry seemed more fulfilling and enjoyable than mine. They would come home pumped up and rejuvenated while I came home utterly exhausted. My care point suddenly became something I dreaded, Hope House something I wanted to avoid, and I counted down the minutes until team time was over so that I could cocoon myself on my little mattress in the corner of my room and just be.
I had let bitterness in and I had let Satan begin to infect my mind and spirit with lies. I let him infect my friendships; my relationship with my Abba, and the ministry the Lord had given me. Swaziland had suddenly gone from a beautiful month to a month that I just wanted to end.
It’s amazing how easily we can let ourselves get so far into our despair that we can’t really see any way out, but it happens. I was living in that darkness and letting it lay so heavily over me like the most suffocating blanket. Finally, one morning towards the end of our last week in Swaziland, as I set in my bed sobbing, feeling like the biggest burden to everyone around me, that the Lord spoke to me and began to remove the blanket of hate that had laid so heavily on me. He began to remove the burden and the pain, and He began to speak beautiful truth into my life. You see I had been living in a dark and dirty pit. And every time I thought I was ready to pull myself up over the edge, either Satan would be there waiting at the top to crush my fingers so that I would fall back down, or I would just let go because sometimes, that’s just easier. When you’ve submerged yourself in such a dark place for so long, sometimes facing the life, and facing freedom, is scary.
In Ezekiel the Lord talks about bringing life back to dry bones.
“…Tell them to Listen to what the Eternal Lord says to them: ‘Dry bones, I will breathe breath into you, and you will come alive. I will attach muscles and tendons to you, cause flesh to grow over them, and cover you with skin. I will breathe breath into you, and you will come alive. O sweet breath, come from the four winds and breathe into these who have been killed. Make these corpses come alive.”
Ezekiel 37:5-6,9 (The Voice)
The Lord began to reveal to me that He had new life waiting for me. I was full of dry bones living in a dark pit, but the Lord had new life waiting for me. He wanted to fill me with the sweet breath of new life. He wanted to fill my soul with love and peace and worth.
God is not only the Creator of life, but He is the Restorer of life.
It was in that moment that I chose to say yes to Him. I chose to say yes to new life. I chose to say yes to freedom. I chose to say yes to joy. Every morning when I get up, I am faced with a decision. Do I choose to sit in the troubles that the day may hold, or will I choose to face the day with joy. Everyday I choose joy. And everyday, even when the difficult moments come, my joy stays.
I choose joy.
I choose joy.
I choose joy.
