I love to doodle. I’ll doodle when I’m on the phone, or listening to music. I’ll doodle when I’m frustrated or when I feel overwhelmed. For those of you who do not know what doodling is, it’s drawing with no specific purpose and often with no specific image in mind. It’s drawing for the sake of drawing and even though I am not an artist by any means, for me it’s therapeutic. There’s something about not having any lines to follow or boundaries to stay within while my pen (or pencil) glides freely over the sheet of paper, napkin, or old envelope. The lack of restriction in itself is freeing and somewhat vindicating—it’s my scrap paper and I can doodle if I want to.
Well, sometime last week I became very overwhelmed by all of the things that I need to do to get ready for The Race and I got to a place of confusion and exhaustion. So, one evening I grabbed a blanket, some CD’s and my iPod, a notebook and a pen and I went to a quiet place that just so happens to have a sweet stereo system hooked up that surrounds you with music when you turn it on. I popped in a good worship CD and did the only thing I could do at that point, I praised and I worshipped, wrote in my journal to God, and then I started to doodle. During this time God showed me that the reason I felt so overwhelmed is because I took my eyes off of Him and began to focus on sooo many other things, which is too stinking easy to do. I started to become anxious about whether or not I would be able to raise the money that is needed for this trip.
I started to focus on my weaknesses and lack of ability rather then God’s perfect ability to equip those He calls.
My priorities got out of order, and I realized that instead of going to God’s word and letting it mold and shape me, I was comparing myself to others and using their faith walks as measuring sticks. All of those things put restrictions on my ability to see God’s ability in the things that seem difficult. I am so thankful that He is faithful in bringing us back to those places where He can open our eyes to truth and take the weight off of our shoulders.
…..And then as if making me aware of all of that greatness was not enough, He showed me this, a vision of how He see’s me….how He see’s all of His children….
This is what I saw:
Me, younger and less aware of the world, sitting at a table with a big, colorful box of crayons and blank, white paper all over the place and Him, Jesus, standing behind me excited to see the picture that I’ll soon reveal. While I’m drawing, I put my heart into every colorful scribble I make. I use the colors that I’ve deemed as best and the anticipation inside of me rises as the revealing approaches. While watching, Jesus see’s my hard work. He notices my heart being poured out as I freely press each crayon against the paper. He’s not excited because He doesn’t know what He’s about to see, He’s excited because His daughter is about to turn towards Him bursting with joy over what she is about to share with Him.
When I finally finish, I almost spin out of my chair with enthusiasm, anxious to see my Daddy’s reaction. The look on His face satisfied every feeling of anticipation inside of me; He’s grinning from ear to ear and His eyes are beaming as He opens His arms to embrace me. And I, I’m overwhelmed with acceptance and melt into His arms.
Yep, He loves us simply because we are His and He delights in us. So, even when we get overwhelmed and we start to try really hard to color inside lines that do not exist, God will nudge us and say, “I have never left you, you do not need to strive. In me, you have all you need. You are enough. Come and rest. Come to me.”
Praise Jesus!
….Now, if only I could grab ahold of that permanently.
