Today was simply amazing and a day I will never forget.
Today I am celebrating a few things 1) My 31st birthday 2) Our 115th day on the World Race 3) The freedom I have found in living a life following Christ.
I wanted to share a few things that were on my heart this morning as I was reflecting on the year that was 30 and the year that is to come in 31. 30 was a great year and ultimately may be the year that shifted the entire trajectory of my life. I am so thankful for my amazing family, great friends, and for God surrounding me with 40 of the most loving, selfless, and encouraging people who continue to love and challenge me every single day on the Race. Although the last 5 months on the World Race have been the hardest 5 months of my life, they make every challenge I face worth it.
I was sitting in a prophetic prayer group around this time last year and I remember having a Word spoken over me saying “Something special is going to happen in Cambodia next year for you.” I remember hearing this and almost laughed because I knew I had absolutely no plans whatsoever to be in Cambodia at any point in my life- definitely not this year. I thought that it could possibly be for somebody else sitting in the circle but definitely wasn’t for me. For some reason I decided to write it down and in the event the Lord were to make this come true, I could come back and see how He had called me to it.
Sure enough- As I sit here celebrating my 31st birthday from the top floor of our compound overlooking the village here in Cambodia, I am reminded once again that my plans are usually not God’s plans. And when I lay down my plans to follow His, everything is and always will be better. God was right (usually is). Something special is happening here in Cambodia and it goes far beyond celebrating my birthday.
In these 115 days on the Race I have been tested more than I ever have before, been more uncomfortable than I ever have before, I have trusted more than I ever have before, felt more broken than I ever have before, been more dependent than I ever have before, felt his presence more than I ever have before, seen the Holy Spirit move more than ever before, been more vulnerable than I ever have before, and seen places in the world that I never have before.
I have grown so much spiritually over the last 115 days and I am starting to see that Jesus brings us to places of brokenness, abandonment, and discomfort so He can work in areas He only can when we are there.The walls I have built up my entire life around being comfortable are beginning to come down and God is showing me that life is about loving people and relationships, not comfort. Although comfort may be nice, it is not necessary to do either.
With that growth however, there comes a price, and some days the struggle can be quite real.
I love how David cries out to the Lord throughout the psalms and I have started each day by reading one. I am finding myself in Davids shoes and trying to let go of my control- finding my security in Jesus, and Jesus alone. Our relationship with the Father was never meant to be easy. In fact it can become quite challenging as we allow Him to invade more areas of our life. When we cling to old ways and sameness, we resist the work He is trying to do within us. While I am not there yet, I am taking up my cross daily and dying to myself- releasing everything to Him.
Ultimately, I know the path that leads to a life of complete surrender must travel through abandonment and brokenness first. Even on days when it hurts and doesn’t make sense, I wake each up day and give my “ Yes “ to Jesus. There have been multiple times when I have considered giving up and going back to work. Times when I say to myself “Why did I leave an awesome job and a pretty good life back home for this.” I don’t let the enemy put these lies in my head because I know there is nothing more important than knowing Jesus more and making Him more known. Each day, I am letting go of my control, my lifestyle, my rights, my comfort, and my pride. Everything is yours Father. My life in your hands.
“Do not fear change, for I am making you a new creation, with old things passing away and new things continually on the horizon.”
I wrote this blog a month or so ago but thought it would be good to share again since I am starting a new year in my life. After all, this is my hearts desire:
My Hearts Desire
The first thing I desire and why I am sitting here in the first place it to know and understand the Father in way that surpasses all of my understanding up until this point. I want to grow deeper in His love and to feel His presence like never before.
I desire to make Jesus known and to build His Kingdom on Earth as it is in Heaven. To reach the unreached. To save the lost. To set captives free. To shine light into the darkest places on the Earth. To give a voice to those who don’t have one. To see miracles in the name of Jesus- Blind people given sight or a deaf person being able to hear.
I want to know what it means to be a child and a Son of God. I desire to give glory and honor to Jesus and make his name higher than any other name. To destroy the works of the enemy in my own life as well as the lives of others. To learn how to live in community with other believers. To be vulnerable and open to allow others into the deepest parts of my heart. To love people unconditionally, no matter how much we disagree. To find peace in the middle of the toughest circumstances. To be bold, strong, and courageous living without fear or regrets.
I desire to find freedom from the shackles my past sin has held on my life. To see myself the way Jesus sees me- as holy, blameless, and redeemed. I desire to read the word of God daily and be rooted in His Truth. To be fully convinced that what the Lord has promised me and the good work he is doing in my heart will come to pass. To live a year where I don’t take any shortcuts. To walk blindly by Faith knowing I am in Gods hands. I desire to be married one day and desire to become the rock and kingdom warrior my eventual wife deserves. I desire to trust even when it hurts and doesn’t make sense. To be broken and completely dependent on the Father for all my daily needs. To find myself and to find out all God is calling me to.
Last but not least I desire to see the world and to see Gods creation to the fullest. To watch sunsets, sunrises, and see the stars over 3 different Oceans and 4 different continents. To see places in Africa, Asia, and Central America I have dreamed of going. To check items off my bucket list I always thought fear would cripple me from ever seeing or doing. To experience different cultures and learn different languages. I desire to grow my passion for telling stories through videography and photography.
Gods word says to delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. The Lord has promised this and I am going to spend this year relentlessly pursuing Him knowing that His promises always come true.
