This whole week we’ve been here in Palenque we’ve been getting showered with words from Gary Black and Andrew Shearman. These guys are amazing! They speak words of complete truth that do nothing but force self-examination that turns into setting us free from constricting lies that we have for some reason believed for a long time. They share with us biblical truths that we really should’ve already known. They let us know promises in the Bible that tell us that we are more than adequately equipped to do this. We seriously have nothing to fear. NOTHING! We have God on our side, so who could possibly be against us? Ok, satan and his thugs are against us, but the great news is that Jesus has already defeated all them! He took care of it all on the cross. We are his “bloodwashed territory!” The devil is just on a leash that is held by God. All they have against us (and when I say us, I mean believing Christians who live in God’s righteousness) is words! They can’t touch us. We own them!
It’s been a great but difficult week. We’re taking in a lot and letting go of just as much. Lots of tears, confessions and huge moments of realization, proclamation and life change. People are being broken and molded already. Myself included. I’ve been realizing crap that I’ve got in my life like lack of confidence, lack of faith in God’s control and plan. I’ve also been feeling some fear of our upcoming adventure that will begin on Monday. (I’ll talk about this later) Last night in front of everyone (about 60 people), I openly confessed my struggle with internet pornography when I’m alone at home and proclaimed that I want God to remove that struggle from my deeps, once and for all! I can’t believe I even just wrote that on here. I never openly told that to anyone before in my life, and here I am telling it to 60 people I haven’t even known for half a year. But God is great and allows me to do all that, and I truly believe that I have been delivered from that once and for all. There will be times of temptation with it, but I will overcome it.
I’ve been realizing how much of everything is simply a choice. It’s a choice to follow God wholeheartedly everyday. It’s a choice to accept God’s promises to us and not be afraid. It’s a choice to believe that He has indeed adequately equipped us for the things we will put in our paths and to not be afraid of what we might encounter. It’s a choice to believe that we will indeed make mistakes when we are ministering to people. We have to then remember that it’s ok because God works out everything for good and he can fix it too! HE’S GOD! HE’S SO MUCH BIGGER THAN THIS ALL!
I realized too that I still worry about what people think of me sometimes. It’s sad. I didn’t even think of myself as that kind of person anymore. But I find myself worrying about what locals think of me as they see me with all of my stuff or the way that I dress, and just how I’m different than they are. I think about the expectations that I feel I have to live up to since I’m on this trip, even though I probably put them on myself. I somehow think that I am outside the will of God sometimes and can mess up in some way that is unforgivable. The truth is though that ‘if I remain in Him, He will remain in me.’ If I am in tune with God and I do what He tells me…it’s all good. I’m all good. There’s nothing to worry about. It’s simple as that. I have to remember that. Please pray that I will remember that! And I’m pretty sure that a lot of my teammates need to remember that too.
It’s just not about us. We need to all get over ourselves. We’ve got to see things in terms of God´s plans, not our plans.
On Monday we, team A, are leaving for 3 villages in the mountains. We had church out there on Sunday. We will be living at a church or home and just doing whatever God tells us to do. I have to admit I am kind of scared. But I´m slowly understanding and realizing that I don´t need to feel that way. And if I still do a little, it´s ok. God will use that to mold me. Ya know?
I find myself missing Sweden some. And still miss Japan and still feel like I´ve got some kind of calling to that place.
One of the first verses I ever memorized has really popped back into my head lately:
“So do not fear, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10
This is the building that we have been staying at. It´s a bible college that is used to train pastors in the area. Eleazar is the guy that had the vision for this place and runs it. Huge contact! God bless him!
This is just figuring out some money to pay for some buses we took to the church we went to in the mountains on sunday.
