The Essence of Life…for my cousin Jimmy

This was wrote a couple days ago on April 10th when I found out that my cousin and friend Jimmy Callari had passed away. I dedicate this blog to him. If you can, please listen to the songs that I have posted below as you read this blog. Listen to them as if God, your true heavenly Father is singing and speaking the words right to you…especially the last the song! 

This blog is long, so i'm sorry in advance for that, but I truly hope and pray that God speaks to you through it and that He blesses you through it in a special way!

Thanks for beings the friends and family that you are….

I will write a blog in a week or two about my time here in Malaysia

Thanks for reading my blogs, it's a true blessing to me

Sincerely,

Ryan

The Essence of Life…

Have you ever wondered what life is really about? Have you ever wondered why you were chosen out of all creation within the whole wide world to be alive today in this era and generation? Have you ever wondered why you were chosen to be you and to live where you live with the family that was chosen for you? Have you ever really wondered what the true essence and purpose of your life was?

I think a lot about the essence of what life is truly about. I know all of the theological and biblical answers in my head, but yet I still wonder what my life truly is meant to be about and who I have been called and created to be on a practical day to day level. I also wonder how much time I have left to live and what the real essence of me being truly alive is.

These are sobering, yet awakening thoughts that awaken me from my sleep walking, going through the motions mentality and awaken me to the fragileness yet preciousness of this life. I am continually awakened by true gift and privilege it is to be chosen by God to be Alive in this life….
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Today I found out that my cousin and friend James (Jimmy) Callari has passed away while in the Las Vegas hospital that he was being treated at from his massive and sudden heart attack that he had about a week ago. Jimmy was in the Las Vegas airport when he suddenly had a massive heart attack that he actually died from. The paramedics and doctors were able to bring him back to life and then proceeded to give him quadruple bypass surgery.

My Dad contacted me about 4 days ago letting me know everything that had happened. He said it didn’t look good but that Jimmy was a fighter and there was a fighting chance. As many of us rallied together to pray and hope for Jimmy’s recovery, it looked like things were turning the corner at that Jimmy was getting better. The doctors believed that there was a good chance that Jimmy would make it so they decided to take him off of life support to see if his lungs and heart and other organs would respond to work again by themselves. Yesterday after being taken off of the life support system Jimmy had another massive heart attack and went home to heaven with God.
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I woke up today with a knock on my door from my team leader with the phone in her hand saying that our squad coordinator Bethany was on the phone to talk to me. I was in shock knowing something must be wrong. She explained that I needed to call my Dad right away because there has been a family emergency. As I called my Dad he explained to me that Jimmy had died and went home to heaven.

This has all been such a shock to me but yet the comfort of the Lord has truly shined through and still is shining through to help me and to most of all help my family and family members of my Aunt Joanne and my cousin Tina. I never got to say bye to my cousin and friend Jimmy before I left for the race and I get chocked up thinking about how he is now gone, but I take hope that I will get to see him once again in heaven with God when my time one day too is up on this earth.

As I think about Jimmy being gone and my Aunt and Uncle’s friend Michael Sparks who also passed away about two weeks ago who was also in his forties – I think about the fragileness of this life. I think I am most shocked because two people that I knew within this past month has suddenly passed away from a sudden heart attack. They both were truly great men and only in their forty’s both never expecting anything to happen or go wrong…

So what does that mean…

It’s been a sobering reminder to me that I never know how much time I truly have left in this life…
It has been another reminder of how truly fragile or in better words PRECIOUS this life really is

I’m reminded that I never know how much time I have left on this earth…I’m reminded that every breath that I take, every day that I wake, and every moment that I live is truly a gift from God
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When my Dad heard that this happened to Jimmy last week, (Jimmy was one of my Dad’s best friends and cousin who he grew up with who was and always will be someone who my Dad truly loves and is very special to my Dad’s heart) my Dad decided to fly out to Vegas to be there to support my Aunt Joanne and cousin Tina. My Dad really felt like he needed to be there for Jimmy and my Aunt and cousin to support them and let them know that they are not alone through this.

My Dad told me that when he was in the hospital he got on his knees to pray over Jimmy as Jimmy lay in the hospital bed completely unresponsive to anything. My Dad explained that he prayed that Jimmy would know Jesus was him and that he would have Jesus in his heart. My Dad explained that he felt the love and the presence of the Lord so thickly in the hospital room that it was so evident that God was truly there with them. He explained that even the nurses who were in the room all started crying as he prayed because the love of God was felt so clearly.

Jimmy was unresponsive the whole week leading up to his passing, but as my Dad prayed and talked to him my Dad could see Jimmy’s hand twitching and his eye lids trying to move…

My Dad and Jimmy always had a very close bond and my Dad truly believes that Jimmy could hear him praying and talking to him and that Jimmy was fighting to show it!

As I got to talk to my Dad today, He, my Aunt Joanne, my cousin Tina, and the rest of Jimmy’s family and friends are sad, but we have hope because we know and believe that Jimmy is in heaven with his heavenly Father and that we too will get to see him one day again.

Jimmy left a true legacy of being someone who brings the best out of people! He was a great friend who could make you smile and laugh when you were down and who could cheer you up when you were in the saddest of moods. He loved everyone and was a friend to anyone! I am truly so thankful and grateful that I got to have him as my older cousin and friend!
 
As Jimmy leaves us all at such a young age, we are reminded and inspired by his love for life. We are reminded that life is truly precious and once again that we never know when it will be over. I’m inspired to try to give every day my best as I wake up realizing that the Lord has given me the true gift to be ALIVE.

I realize that I need and want to show the love of God to everyone I know and meet because I never truly know if I will ever get to see them again in this life. When I left for the race I thought I would see Jimmy again, but I will now have to wait until heaven…It will be worth the wait though because I know I will be greeted with a great big hug and a big smile telling me that he loves me and that he is proud of me…

I believe and hope that’s what it will be like when I get see Jesus for the first time too!

I think I have always thought that I would die at a young age, only God knows when it will be my time to go home to heaven and it’s not for me or anyone else to worry about. But I do often like to think about what it will be like when I get to see Jesus for the first time face to face…

I wonder if it will happen right away when I die…or will there be an angel that comes to get me to take me to Jesus…or maybe family will greet me first…I personally like to think that Jesus will greet me with my chocolate lab “Chip” who I loved so much and maybe even then family and friends will be with them too.
But I know I will first want to see Jesus…

These thoughts awaken me once again to the realization that life is so short and so so precious…

So as I mourn and hope through the sadness yet God’s comfort is shining through to me. I hope I am inspired to live life more to the fullest while loving the Lord my God with all of my heart and life while loving others with the love that He has saved me with. Once again I have been awakened  and inspired with a new attitude of living with a reality and realization that I never know how much time I have left..

I hope you who are reading this will be inspired by my cousin’s life to always love. Jimmy loved to party, he loved to have a good time, he loved to laugh, he loved to bring joy to people, and he was always there as a friend to everyone who needed it! He was truly someone who brought the best out of people!

I hope you will be inspired to love your loved ones in your life just a little bit more today, and take time to fully talk to God and let him know how much you need him in your life. I pray that you will search your heart and be honest with God about how feel about him and you would be honest with him about how you need his love and help to live the life that He has created you to live. I pray that you will do this today since none of us never know how much time we have left and if we will get a second chance.
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I will end with this thought…I was watching one of my most favorite movies “Miracle” this past week. It’s the movie about the USA hockey team that won the Olympics. One of the players right before the opening round hurt his knee really bad and wasn’t sure if he would ever get the chance to play the game that he loved so much again. I thought about injuries and how I love to play sports and so often take for granted the ability and the blessing to being able to run and play the sports that I love. I never play the game like it’s my fully last game. But then when an injury happens or the season ends and we graduate, we look back and wish for just one more chance to play. Sometimes we get it and sometimes we don’t. I then started reflecting on my experience and pain with not being able to play the game that I love so much in football my senior year in high school. I got tears in my eyes feeling the pain of how much I wish I could have the chance to play again and be on the field with my teammates. But then I realized that my new game is living a life with Christ. I realized that wait, I’m still alive, I’m in the game of life that God has chose and created me to live and be alive in. So I am now on the journey of turning my hurt, pain, and regrets of the past into a reminder, inspiration, and invitation  to fully live life now fully immersed in the present moment with God giving it my all and enjoying the ride of the true adventure that it is moment by moment that I’m alive.

I don’t want to feel the pain of regret when I die…I don’t want to look back on my life with sadness at how I lived or the person that I became…

I don’t want to have regrets about how I treated other people or most of all how I treated God…

I want to fully live the life that God has so blessed me to live each and every day that I’m alive in my life which is truly Christ’s life that he has chose and blessed me to have and live….

Knowing that I won’t succeed to do this every day and that I will still fail from time to time feeling down and depressed with pain and the hard times of life…I hope you will join me on the journey of living a life fully dedicated to Jesus Christ the one who made us, saved us, and gave us all the gift of life to be alive!

Remembering Jimmy and the other loved ones that have passed on within our lives – let that be inspiration to live even brighter shining and reflecting the love, life, and light of Christ within us to a world that needs God’s hope so badly. Whoever and wherever you are…know that God loves you and has created you for amazing, amazing reasons! Whoever you are, whatever you do, and whatever life situation that you are in…God can use your life to help others feel his love, joy, and hope if you let him! He loves and longs to live in and through your life because He is the one who has created you and chosen you to be alive today!
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