Keeping my faith in the midst of pain….
Today was a tough day for me….
in many ways this month has been tough for me in ways that I didn’t expect…
When I thought about what it would be like to come and live in Africa for 3 months, I assumed there would be many hardships in being exposed to the culture and way of life of living here. I assumed that there would be many obstacles to adapt to from the food being ate, the way of living, and the many ways that I would be pushed out of my comfort zone.
So far this first month of Africa in Kenya has been almost the opposite of everything that I thought it would be. First of all, it’s very different from last month where we have a toilet and a shower in the house to use, food being made for us, and a house over our heads that has running water, electricity, and even a television in it.
The struggle has been the complete opposite of last month, I have adapted to the food and have been so blessed by the family that we are staying with and the people who we have met.
The struggle has been keeping my faith in the midst of pain and doubt. Back in America, I felt like I was always entangled by fear. I was always afraid to step out in faith and pray for people in the grocery store or somewhere where I was at. I was always so afraid of what people thought of me. I was afraid of looking stupid in people’s eyes. I walked and lived in fear instead of stepping out in faith and praying for blind people to be healed and crippled people to walk.
In the scripture Jesus says that we as his children will do the same things that He did and yet even greater. Jesus constantly healed people and did things that in man’s eyes were impossible. People constantly thought he was crazy for the things that He did, but yet that didn’t matter to him. He stayed the course and did the things that He knew was right. He didn’t care what others thought of him, all He really cared about was what his Father thought of him. He knew the love and calling that the Father had for him and he stayed the course of his calling, his mission, and his life. He wasn’t shaken by failure and by how people doubted him.
So this month for me has been a month of stepping out in faith and praying for the impossible. It has been a month that I have felt boldness and courage that I never have had before. I feel like I have broken through a chain of fear holding me back from attempting to live the life that Christ lived and the life that I know I want to live.
I have prayed for the crippled to be healed, the sick to be healed, burn victims to have skin grow back, the lame to walk, I have believed and asked God to help me in my unbelief.
I have to be honest I have struggled because I haven’t seen much healings take place. Today was especially tough for me and I get chocked up even typing this. I was in the hospital this morning praying for people with my team. There was a teenage girl there who was severely burned all over her body. Her face was partially burned off and when I went to shake her hand, I couldn’t even shake it because her hand was so burnt and almost all the skin was gone. Her other hand was so deformed that you could not even recognize it as a hand. So I got down on my knees in the hospital and started praying for her believing that our God is a God who can heal and help anyone. I prayed for God to instantly heal her body and make the skin grow back. I took authority believing and knowing that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead now lives in me through the power of the Holy Spirit. Then I prayed that she would feel God’s love for her. I prayed that she would feel her Father’s arms around her holding her. I prayed that she would feel God lying with her on the floor where her bed was in the hospital. I prayed that she would know that she wasn’t alone and that her Father see’s her as His beautiful little girl. I prayed that she knew how beautiful Her father see’s her as and that He wants to dance with her and love her as his daughter.
I opened my eyes and just saw her staring blankly at me. Her burns were still the same and I am not even sure if she understood anything that I said to her. There were flies everywhere and people filled this little hospital where there were barely any nurses and any equipment to really help them.
I walked away totally sunk in my heart and spirit feeling like I have not done anything to help. I was totally helpless and had no idea what to do besides try to smile while praying for people. I dropped to my knees again all by myself in sadness and desperation calling out to God for help…I didn’t know what else to do and my heart was breaking for the people in the hospital who were suffering so much…
I came back home sad, depressed, homesick, and feeling like a failure. I know of people who pray for people and pray for the impossible and at the snap of their fingers or the ending of the prayer the people are healed. I have seen things happen that should be impossible happen before when others pray. I believe what God says is true in the Bible, that we will do the same things as Jesus and even grater. I believe that He lives in me…. But what am I doing wrong I thought? Why do I continue to not see any healings or miracles take place?
After lying down feeling so depressed, sad, and mad. I just wanted to quit. This whole month has been a month of stepping out in faith and trust. But constantly I haven’t seen the miracles that I have hoped and believed for.
My teammates then called me and told me it was time to leave to do our other ministry of the day where we go around in the market or house to house and pray for people. I didn’t want to go and felt so hopeless inside. Yet I knew I had to keep believing, keep hoping, and keep trusting in the God that I know and believe in.
As I got up and started walking down the dirt path with the sun beating down on me, I tried to hear my professor, mentor, and spiritual Father’s voice in my head saying “ Ryan all that matters is that they feel God’s love for them.” Dr. Wardle who I love and look up to so much constantly would say to me to always pray with God’s authority for healing to take place. Even if they don’t get healed, but if they feel God’s love for them and know that God loves them and is with them, then praying is always worth it. I also tried to remember the story about one of his professors John Wimber that Dr. Wardle taught me a lot about. John Wimber was a man who prayed for 700 people to be healed and never saw a healing take place. He was a man who took Jesus for His word and believed that He would too live the way that Jesus said he would live. So John never gave up in his faith and kept believing and kept praying for people even when people were not healed. Then after that 700th person that John prayed for, he started to see radical healings take place like wild fire. He started to see God do the impossible and use him in life changing ways.
I was reminded that God see’s all of our hearts and I think the thing that He looks for the most is love rooted in faithfulness. Having faith and stepping out in faith even when it doesn’t make sense. Believing the impossible and believing and having faith in what can never be proven, only experienced. So I tried to keep my head up and take heart. I tried to remember that I stepped out in love rooted in faith and that like Dr. Wardle would always say, if she felt God’s love for her, then praying is always worth it.
I am trying to remember those who are faithful in the little, will be faithful with much. So I will continue to press on in the grace and strength of God. I will continue to step out in love and faithfulness and pray for the man that everyone walks past. I will continue to believe that God can do the impossible and trust that God is always working, even when I can’t see it.
I take heart and remember the Scripture that says,
“Therefore we do lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we FIX OUR EYES NOT ON WHAT IS SEEN, BUT ON WHAT IS UNSEEN. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So I am going to choose to believe and choose to have faith in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the confusion, in the midst of doubt. I am going to remember that faith is believing what can’t be proven, but only felt. Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.
As I continued to walk through the town feeling like a failure and feeling like I haven’t made an impact at all this month. The struggle began to wear me down to the point that I didn’t even want to talk. Then God put me into a situation that He knew I would not be able to resist. We met two ladies back to back at their homes who did not know of Jesus Christ and wanted to pray to him asking Him to be their Lord and Savior.
So I started to share my story about the true love and hope that Jesus Christ has been to me. I explained how God came into my heart 6 years ago in a way that I never thought possible. I explained how I always grew up going to church but never really lived a life of knowing God and believing that He truly knew and loved me. I shared how I asked Jesus to come into my heart and my life to be my Lord and my Savior. I explained that Jesus was my true hope and when I accepted him into my heart was the first time I truly felt loved and made whole. It was the first time I didn’t feel alone and the first time I felt like I had true and unfailing hope and Father who loved me and who always be there for me.
Both of the ladies accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior!
I believe this was a sign from God to me reminding me to not give up faith. Reminding me to not give up Hope. Reminding me that He is always working, even when prayers don’t seem to be heard.
So I am once again choosing to continue to believe, hope, and have faith. Remembering that God is a God whose love never fails and never gives up. He pursues us to the ends of the earth and breaks through all evil and all darkness to show us that He loves us.
I felt lead to share my struggle with you. It’s been a struggle all month, but I know God is growing my faith and belief. It would be easy to pray for people if every time I prayed for them I saw healing take place. But that is what makes faith so powerful. Not every one believes it and once again it can’t be proven. It’s not something seen, but something only truly BELIEVED…
So I am going to continue to believe and continue to be reminded of my God who has been so faithful to my life. I am going to remember the times that He has always been there for me and the times that He has done things that only He can do….
I am going to chose to have faith….to continue to believe what I do not see but what I know by how I have felt, experienced, and been changed by the living and true love and presence of God….Hebrews 11:1
I am going to continue to believe what Jesus promised in John 14:12- 14,
“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things that these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do what ever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”
Thanks for reading and thanks for all of your prayers and love for me….I will be leaving our town Mpeketoni on Friday and heading back to Nairobi for a week long debrief meeting with our whole squad. Then we are off for month 5 to Tanzania.
Here are two songs that God has really been speaking to me through a lot that I hope blesses you
God Bless you all and thanks for being on this hard, long, yet God filled journey with me…
With God’s love and thanksgiving,
RyanKeeping your faith in the midst of pain….
Today was a tough day for me….
in many ways this month has been tough for me in ways that I didn’t expect…
When I thought about what it would be like to come and live in Africa for 3 months, I assumed there would be many hardships in being exposed to the culture and way of life of living here. I assumed that there would be many obstacles to adapt to from the food being ate, the way of living, and the many ways that I would be pushed out of my comfort zone.
So far this first month of Africa in Kenya has been almost the opposite of everything that I thought it would be. First of all, it’s very different from last month where we have a toilet and a shower in the house to use, food being made for us, and a house over our heads that has running water, electricity, and even a television in it.
The struggle has been the complete opposite of last month, I have adapted to the food and have been so blessed by the family that we are staying with and the people who we have met.
The struggle has been keeping my faith in the midst of pain and doubt. Back in America, I felt like I was always entangled by fear. I was always afraid to step out in faith and pray for people in the grocery store or somewhere where I was at. I was always so afraid of what people thought of me. I was afraid of looking stupid in people’s eyes. I walked and lived in fear instead of stepping out in faith and praying for blind people to be healed and crippled people to walk.
In the scripture Jesus says that we as his children will do the same things that He did and yet even greater. Jesus constantly healed people and did things that in man’s eyes were impossible. People constantly thought he was crazy for the things that He did, but yet that didn’t matter to him. He stayed the course and did the things that He knew was right. He didn’t care what others thought of him, all He really cared about was what his Father thought of him. He knew the love and calling that the Father had for him and he stayed the course of his calling, his mission, and his life. He wasn’t shaken by failure and by how people doubted him.
So this month for me has been a month of stepping out in faith and praying for the impossible. It has been a month that I have felt boldness and courage that I never have had before. I feel like I have broken through a chain of fear holding me back from attempting to live the life that Christ lived and the life that I know I want to live.
I have prayed for the crippled to be healed, the sick to be healed, burn victims to have skin grow back, the lame to walk, I have believed and asked God to help me in my unbelief.
I have to be honest I have struggled because I haven’t seen much healings take place. Today was especially tough for me and I get chocked up even typing this. I was in the hospital this morning praying for people with my team. There was a teenage girl there who was severely burned all over her body. Her face was partially burned off and when I went to shake her hand, I couldn’t even shake it because her hand was so burnt and almost all the skin was gone. Her other hand was so deformed that you could not even recognize it as a hand. So I got down on my knees in the hospital and started praying for her believing that our God is a God who can heal and help anyone. I prayed for God to instantly heal her body and make the skin grow back. I took authority believing and knowing that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead now lives in me through the power of the Holy Spirit. Then I prayed that she would feel God’s love for her. I prayed that she would feel her Father’s arms around her holding her. I prayed that she would feel God lying with her on the floor where her bed was in the hospital. I prayed that she would know that she wasn’t alone and that her Father see’s her as His beautiful little girl. I prayed that she knew how beautiful Her father see’s her as and that He wants to dance with her and love her as his daughter.
I opened my eyes and just saw her staring blankly at me. Her burns were still the same and I am not even sure if she understood anything that I said to her. There were flies everywhere and people filled this little hospital where there were barely any nurses and any equipment to really help them.
I walked away totally sunk in my heart and spirit feeling like I have not done anything to help. I was totally helpless and had no idea what to do besides try to smile while praying for people. I dropped to my knees again all by myself in sadness and desperation calling out to God for help…I didn’t know what else to do and my heart was breaking for the people in the hospital who were suffering so much…
I came back home sad, depressed, homesick, and feeling like a failure. I know of people who pray for people and pray for the impossible and at the snap of their fingers or the ending of the prayer the people are healed. I have seen things happen that should be impossible happen before when others pray. I believe what God says is true in the Bible, that we will do the same things as Jesus and even grater. I believe that He lives in me…. But what am I doing wrong I thought? Why do I continue to not see any healings or miracles take place?
After lying down feeling so depressed, sad, and mad. I just wanted to quit. This whole month has been a month of stepping out in faith and trust. But constantly I haven’t seen the miracles that I have hoped and believed for.
My teammates then called me and told me it was time to leave to do our other ministry of the day where we go around in the market or house to house and pray for people. I didn’t want to go and felt so hopeless inside. Yet I knew I had to keep believing, keep hoping, and keep trusting in the God that I know and believe in.
As I got up and started walking down the dirt path with the sun beating down on me, I tried to hear my professor, mentor, and spiritual Father’s voice in my head saying “ Ryan all that matters is that they feel God’s love for them.” Dr. Wardle who I love and look up to so much constantly would say to me to always pray with God’s authority for healing to take place. Even if they don’t get healed, but if they feel God’s love for them and know that God loves them and is with them, then praying is always worth it. I also tried to remember the story about one of his professors John Wimber that Dr. Wardle taught me a lot about. John Wimber was a man who prayed for 700 people to be healed and never saw a healing take place. He was a man who took Jesus for His word and believed that He would too live the way that Jesus said he would live. So John never gave up in his faith and kept believing and kept praying for people even when people were not healed. Then after that 700th person that John prayed for, he started to see radical healings take place like wild fire. He started to see God do the impossible and use him in life changing ways.
I was reminded that God see’s all of our hearts and I think the thing that He looks for the most is love rooted in faithfulness. Having faith and stepping out in faith even when it doesn’t make sense. Believing the impossible and believing and having faith in what can never be proven, only experienced. So I tried to keep my head up and take heart. I tried to remember that I stepped out in love rooted in faith and that like Dr. Wardle would always say, if she felt God’s love for her, then praying is always worth it.
I am trying to remember those who are faithful in the little, will be faithful with much. So I will continue to press on in the grace and strength of God. I will continue to step out in love and faithfulness and pray for the man that everyone walks past. I will continue to believe that God can do the impossible and trust that God is always working, even when I can’t see it.
I take heart and remember the Scripture that says,
“Therefore we do lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
So we FIX OUR EYES NOT ON WHAT IS SEEN, BUT ON WHAT IS UNSEEN. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So I am going to choose to believe and choose to have faith in the midst of the pain, in the midst of the confusion, in the midst of doubt. I am going to remember that faith is believing what can’t be proven, but only felt. Faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see.
As I continued to walk through the town feeling like a failure and feeling like I haven’t made an impact at all this month. The struggle began to wear me down to the point that I didn’t even want to talk. Then God put me into a situation that He knew I would not be able to resist. We met two ladies back to back at their homes who did not know of Jesus Christ and wanted to pray to him asking Him to be their Lord and Savior.
So I started to share my story about the true love and hope that Jesus Christ has been to me. I explained how God came into my heart 6 years ago in a way that I never thought possible. I explained how I always grew up going to church but never really lived a life of knowing God and believing that He truly knew and loved me. I shared how I asked Jesus to come into my heart and my life to be my Lord and my Savior. I explained that Jesus was my true hope and when I accepted him into my heart was the first time I truly felt loved and made whole. It was the first time I didn’t feel alone and the first time I felt like I had true and unfailing hope and Father who loved me and who always be there for me.
Both of the ladies accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior!
I believe this was a sign from God to me reminding me to not give up faith. Reminding me to not give up Hope. Reminding me that He is always working, even when prayers don’t seem to be heard.
So I am once again choosing to continue to believe, hope, and have faith. Remembering that God is a God whose love never fails and never gives up. He pursues us to the ends of the earth and breaks through all evil and all darkness to show us that He loves us.
I felt lead to share my struggle with you. It’s been a struggle all month, but I know God is growing my faith and belief. It would be easy to pray for people if every time I prayed for them I saw healing take place. But that is what makes faith so powerful. Not every one believes it and once again it can’t be proven. It’s not something seen, but something only truly BELIEVED…
So I am going to continue to believe and continue to be reminded of my God who has been so faithful to my life. I am going to remember the times that He has always been there for me and the times that He has done things that only He can do….
I am going to chose to have faith….to continue to believe what I do not see but what I know by how I have felt, experienced, and been changed by the living and true love and presence of God….Hebrews 11:1
I am going to continue to believe what Jesus promised in John 14:12- 14,
“I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things that these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do what ever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”
Thanks for reading and thanks for all of your prayers and love for me….I will be leaving our town Mpeketoni on Friday and heading back to Nairobi for a week long debrief meeting with our whole squad. Then we are off for month 5 to Tanzania.
Here are some songs that connect with what I am going through and what God has really been speaking to me about.. I hope God blesses you through them!
God Bless you all and thanks for being on this hard, long, yet God filled journey with me…
With God’s love and thanksgiving,
Ryan
