It’s only been two weeks of being on the field in Guatemala and God has already been hard at work in my heart… You see, I’m very passionate about missions, especially going overseas. Maybe a hint would be the fact that I’m currently overseas on a missions trip in Guatemala. I also long to grow as a follower of Christ, and in that, grow closer to Christ. I mean, have you ever felt his love surround you? It’s freaking awesome! And I want more! I can’t get enough… So it’s no surprise that as I experience his love, my heart will start to be in sync with his. And in that, I can’t help but long to be obedient in the command of the Great Commission. So, here I am. But I can tell you right now, that you will not see the same Ryan when I come back… My heart is crazy for his!! And his heart is changing mine!
It may come as a surprise to some, but I had a weird hard time in the first several days being here… Ministry did not look like I thought it would or how I wanted it to. Here we were, either doing construction or talking about drugs in schools, or on one of our “off days”. Plastering cement on walls, and talking maybe twice the whole school day, didn’t really seem like obeying the great commission… I mean, the GC is about making disciples, not constructing a house or talking to kids in schools that aren’t all that interested in the first place. Ministry wasn’t fulfilling, and I was confused. And in realizing the fact that I’m overseas doing missions, I’m also overseas longing to grow my relationship with Christ. I’m desiring an intimacy that only He can provide. And in knowing that I’m overseas doing missions and trying to grow closer to God, I’m also living in community with 20 other people. It’s great. But frustrating. But great. And by living in community and doing work with these awesome people around me, God has shown me some chains that, quite frankly, need smashed.
I didn’t realize that I actually had “chains” that were holding me back from the intimacy I’m so crazy about having with God. But knowing I have them, It’s time they come out where the light can shine on it, and have the freedom Christ tells me I have in him! So specifically, all my pride, bitterness, and lust, can go ahead and get destroyed in the presence of God. God opened up an understanding of chains that I didn’t realize were chains. It’s been like having invisible chains on my wrists and ankles, and not realizing why I can’t run with freedom… However, just a few days ago… I took off sprinting! I’m not just running, I’m bolting full steam ahead!
You see, these chains were holding me back from God. I was saying, “God, God! Where are you… I want more of you. I wanna grow closer to you. I want more of your presence. I want your heart!” I was getting more of God, but only in small amounts here and there. And God finally showed me that He’s got more in store than small amounts of love. He’s got a fierce river of love splashing right towards me, but my pride, lust, and bitterness was becoming a barrier… And my confusion and frustration of our ministry was only adding to that wall. I was practically dry for a lil bit… And then something happened.
I was standing on our balcony one night. And God finally blew my mind! He’s like, “Ryan… You want a productive soul saving disciple making ministry?… You want those sins and chains to be destroyed and out of the way?… You want so much of me that your heart beats for everything I stand for?… Then how about you stop dipping your toe in my river of love, and do a freaking cannon ball!! You want all this!? Then be one with my Spirit!!! It’s not about “you’re” ministry! It’s not about you’re pride! It’s about me! So stop wanting to grow closer to me… And how about you actually BE CLOSER TO ME!!! You say, ‘Lord I want to be closer to you’ right in front of me! And then walk away!! Stop telling me, and just run towards me! Run and jump in this dangerous overflowing river of my love!!!”
Ha…. That was pretty cool.
And so right now, I just long to be so close to God that I’m practically one with the Spirit!!! Is that Ryan, or is that Jesus? Well I’m glad you asked… Because it’s both!! Yes, I do want to daily, hourly, minutely, and secondly grow closer to him… But it takes jumping in the river for that to happen. Not telling the river you want to and then walk away until tomorrow. So daily, I’m jumping in the river!!! No more toe dipping, just cannon ball splashing!!! And man does it feel so good! Sure, I’m not in a happy go lucky mood all the time. I’m not always in a “good” mood and feel like smiling at every face I see. I’m not always the most outspoken joyful person. I’m a human. But I’m a human that’s jumpin in the river!! And I will rejoice in that! For God is here! God is at work! And Christ has set me free! Free from chains on earth, and free from eternal condemnation!! Death has no sting, for the Spirit of light and life dwells within me!!! How cool is that!?
So whatever God may bless us with what ministry we do here, it doesn’t matter! For if God uses these 9 months and I am only used to save one soul from hell and disciple one person to look more like Christ, then all glory to God!!! If I live my whole life and am only used to save one soul from hell and disciple one person to look more like Christ, that praise God!! Rejoice in the fact that God has saved another person from eternal death to eternal life!!! However God desires to use me, then that’s how I desire to be used!!! My heart beats for what his beats for! And in that, God will use this vessel to be the disciple and son that I am created to be!
I want nothing less than to overflow with the love of Christ. I want nothing less than all his heart longs for. I want nothing less than all of him.
SO MY HEART CRYS OUT, “SPIRIT, RAIN DOWN ON ME! TAKE ALL OF ME! TAKE MY MIND! TAKE MY HEART! RENEW MY VERY BEING! CHANGE EVERYTHING IF IT NEED BE! I’M ALL YOURS!”
Philippians 2:13 –
“For God is working in you giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”
Ephesians 4:21-24 –
“Since you have heard Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God- truly righteous and holy.”
