Where do I start… Where do I start with what’s happening in my life; with my walk with Christ. My life is busy. My life is constant go go go. My life consists of doing this and then doing that. I’m a full time college student taking all four classes online. I work about 20-24 hours every week. I’m involved in my church and with my youth group. I constantly Skype my awesome new friends (which this will be for another blog) from my squad on the World Race. Plus I’m dealing with the fun privilege of fundraising. And then in the middle of all that, I’m growing. But there’s also a lot of falling…
I love God. I love him more than anything. I long and desire for nothing less but to grow closer to God and be used to further His Kingdom. To be used to show others that there is this huge astronomical God that has created us to enjoy him and give him glory. And God has totally transformed my heart in realizing His truth. This God created us for a reason…
He created us to love us! He created us to save us! He created us to redeem us! He created us to walk with him! He created us by personally and intimately making us fearfully and wonderfully in His image! He loves us so much that He laid down His life for us!… He died.. for every wrong I do… for every sin I commit… for being so dang selfish… for constantly sinning… why?… why do I run in circles. With this God, with arms wide open, why do I sometimes decide to reach out with my desperate arms of need of grace and then other times decide to turn and walk away. Why does He always come back for me!? Why does He never leave me!? Why does He never give up!? Who am I to deserve this kind of love?… I’m a nobody.. yet He tells me I AM a somebody.. I’m one of his sons… that He loves infinitely.. that He’s proud of… that He died for… Because… God doesn’t make mistakes.. and He created me.
Then why?… Why do I praise him one day, and then go out and give in to sinful temptation. How can I worship him day after day after day… and then say the things I say.. and do the things I do… and think the way I think… How could I ever get comfortable with where I’m at. How can I be content with realizing God has broken every chain I was a slave to and then putting those chains right back on! God has set me free… He’s set me free to run from my sin and to run towards him.. to grow and to be continually transformed into the image of Christ. Why do I keep running in circles.
Why is He enough one day, but the next day He’s not!?… It’s because I’m running in circles. It’s because when I take my eyes off of what they’re supposed to be on, I fall. It’s because my eyes need to be fixated on God. There’s so much sin in this world that it gets extremely easy to start going along with it. We get so caught up in our busy schedules that it gets easy to start running in circles…
God,
I wanna run. I wanna run forward, not in circles. And I pray that by your love and grace, please help me. Because I will stay on this route without you. I say I need you and that I’ll call on you through the hard times, yet when it comes.. I try to handle it with my strength.. not Yours… So God. Be my focus. Give me Your strength. Allow me to humbly stand before you and say,
“I’m so forgetful
but you always remind me…
You’re the only one who brings me peace…
You’re the only one who brings me peace,
So I come
Lord I come
I come
Lord I come
To tell you I love you
To tell you I need you
To tell you there’s no better place for me than in your arms
To tell you I’m sorry
For running in circles
For placing my focus on the waves and not Your Face
You’re the only one who brings me peace
You’re the only one who brings me peace.”
(-Running in Circles by United Pursuit)
