lyrics by Switchfoot– “Thrive”
Been fighting things that I can’t see
Like voices coming from the inside of me and
Like doing things I find hard to believe in
Am I myself or am I dreaming?
I’ve been wrestling lately with the subject of Apathy.
When I look back on my life, I realize that apathy is the most reoccurring thing that I struggle with. As I write this, I am currently writing outside of the haze of apathy, which is giving me the opportunity to clearly look back on my past, and my current perspective towards this subject.
I’ve been awake for an hour or so
Checking for a pulse but I just don’t know
Am I a man when I feel like a ghost?
The stranger in the mirror is wearing my clothes
I think the hard thing about Apathy.. is that it takes a while to even realize you are under its numbing wrath. It is like when you are playing catch late at night. The darkness sneaks in. Even as it gets later, you are convinced you can still see the ball, and that it won’t affect your judgement or perception. You might not realize how ridiculously dark it is around you until finally that ball hits you square in the eyeball.
No, I’m not alright
I know that I’m not right
A steering wheel don’t mean you can drive
A warm body don’t mean I’m alive
I think it takes us a while to realize we are not okay. We have so many things on this earth that we have to be concerned with. Too many things that take our attention from what really matters. Often when we think of these things.. we think of the materialistic things. Things that are obvious sins. Lust, Drinking, Success, Drugs, Theft, obsessions…etc.
In my life, these things above have not been the biggest cultivators of Apathy. The things listed in the paragraph above are usually pretty black and white. Those things amplify the contrast between right and wrong, drawing you away from the Lord, but because of that disconnection with the Lord… there is more of a chance you’ll feel the absence of the Lord’s presence.
OR on the other hand the Holy Spirit will convict you and you will feel his presence in a very strong way that could draw you back to feeling his presence… straying you away from that grey area of apathy.
But what about the Good things? The things that need our attention, or the things that are healthy to give attention?
For me, the good things in life are the main promoters of apathy. The things we were designed to care about. Things that are gifts from God. Pursuing friendships with people, Doing community service, being a leader in my campus ministries, going on missions trips, or even— Going on the World Race.
No, I’m not alright
I know that I’m not right
Feel like I travel but I never arrive
I wanna thrive not just survive
You may ask… how can this be? These are all beautiful things. Well i have heard it said once that you could love doing the best things: feeding the hungry, clothing the poor, being an available friend… but if you love those things more than you love simply being a child of God, pursuing to know Him more each day, and just striving to honor and glorify Him because you simply want to bring him joy… Those things have become idols.
I’m always close, but I’m never enough
I’m always in line, but I’m never in love
I get so down, but I won’t give up
It is so easy to love doing those good things so much. It is so easy for those things to take up your entire being, your identity, and yes often you can be Loving God through doing those good things, I mean those good works come from an intimate walk with God. But, sometimes the darkness starts crawling in, and you do those things simply because you love doing them.. and after pouring out so much without being poured into directly from our Father… You get a wake up call by getting hit in the head with the reality of the fact that you have lost sight of what matters most.
To simply put it. I think we need to Love God ( like in a relational way) more than we love doing things for Him.
Sounds like a given right? Well yeah, wouldn’t everyone love doing things for God because we have a loving relationship with Him?! Sadly, I don’t think so. Not in our current Christian culture where doing things for God have become the “sexy” thing to do (Read “sexy Christianity” blog)
What I have mainly been realizing is this: in my life.. I have not realized enough on a daily basis, how much I NEED God. Everything gets in the way of realizing just how much I need him. I have skin framed by bones, with 2 lungs and a heart. I have things to do every day that are honestly good things. I have incredible people surrounding me that are worth pursuing as brothers and sisters in Christ. I think we need to realize that any of the GOOD things inside of us come from the Holy Spirit… and that we need to be filled up in Christ in order to pour out to others in our lives, in the purest way possible.
He answered, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”
Luke 10:27
I want to realize more often that I’m not alright. I want to ackowledge my apathy. I want to spend time with my Father and simply admire who He is. If i do that before satisfying any of my own desires, everything will change. I want my heart’s desires to be as that of Christ’s.
I want to thrive, not just survive.
