As I sit in the hotel right before launch I realized I have not posted anything in quite some time. I’ve been busy and lazy so I have failed to uphold the promise of “frequently” updating my blog.
Well… Here goes…
I have been waiting for this sign from God to confirm that the World Race is something I need to do. I’ve been waiting on His affirmation and His approval of what I’m about to do. People keep telling me how excited they are for me and how this is a chance of a life time, but do not realize that this all happened because of my mother.
Lets go back a year ago to January 2014 (A Whoop!). I was taking 6b hours at Texas A&M and I needed something to fill my down time so I actually did other things besies play video games and Dungeons and Dragons. My mom told me that I had to get a part time job, so I started looking. After about 3 days she called and told me that I could interview for a job at her office and work part time for Purchasing. This was great! I had worked here in the past and new eveyone in the department. Everything weas going well. I had the free time to study when not working, going to class, or Singing Cadet Rehearsal. I was living the Senior dream of little work, easy class loads, and enjoyed being in the Singing Cadets. As the semester developed, my mom told me I could not stay at Neutral Posture after I graduated. She was forcing me to leave and go get “real world work experience.”
That was when things started to hit the fan. I had worked hard to prove I was more than just the CEO’s son and had succeeded in impressing both of my supervisors. Niether of which were my mom. I had this preconcieved notion that I would always be worling with my mom at hre office. Its where my aunt and father had worked. My sister, mother, uncle, and grandmother are working there in some degree. This is where I thought I belonged. Then I was told I had to leave for at least a year. I began looking for internships or entry level jobs that didnt require 3-5 years of experience in the field. My grades were not good enought to get me into grad school and my degree in International Studeis and minor in Spanish was not going to open any doors for me. As I started to inwardly panic, my sister suggested the World Race. Thought it was a silly idea at the time. To leave for 11 months and go live the missionary lifestyle was appealing, yet a little farfetched for this Texan.
I really didn’t think I had what it takes to be a missionary. I thought I was too much of a sinner and had not regularly atteneded a church since my junior year in college. As I looked into the World Race, I realized that I would only want to visit Spanish speaking countries. As I did this, I found exactly what I was looking for. An all Spanish route. It was as if God himself was saying. Look, this is where I want you to go. Yet I still had my doubts. I applied and was accepted into the program a few weeks after applying. God was planning something for me.
The next thing that happened is that I graduated from A&M, and after that time flew. before I knew it, September had come and past and I had turned 23. A few weeks later, trainign Camp for the World Race happened. I was apprehesive and nervous about being the “outcast” because I was a “bad” Christian. Little did I know, that just because I was broken spiritually, it didn’t make me a “bad” Christian. I experienced some amazing things and lots of spiritual healing, exactly what I needed. As training camp ended, I realized that God has plans for me (Jerimiah 29: 11) and he was placingme exactly where He wanted me.
Then there was this inbetween period. I was working and spending time with friends and family. I started to realize that I wasn’t going to see them for 11 months; except when I come back for my sister’s wedding. I started to miss them even though I wasn’t gone. I realized that I was leaving them behind and intentionally not allowing them to be apart of my life for 11 months. I started to doubt myself and God and His plan for me.
To this day I still have my doubts of where God wants me. I’m only human. It sounds like a cop out and it is. I am afraid of where God is going to take me. It is going to be rough, tough, and I will change. That change is really what I am afraid of. I’m so used to being exactly how I am and I realized that I haven’t changed much since high school. I’ve grown up, gotten older, but have remained relatively the same person. This year is going to change me. I am forcing myself to change. It’s about time I grew spiritually into the man of God I want to be. It’s about time that I become the person I want to be.
God has set all of this up just for me. He created all of this just for me. Its about time that I stop waiting on the world to change and set out to go change myself. I wont be alone. I’ll be with God and 29 other amazing people. I will not be able to do any of this without Him or my freinds. While I am leaving my family and freinds behind, y’all will forever be in my heart and in my prayers. There are many of you that I have not said goodbye to. Sometimes goodbyes are too painfull and this is one of those times where it breaks my heart to say goodbye to each and every one of you. I tear up even as I type this. I love each and every one of you and I will miss you all dearly.
Our world is broken and in pain. It cannot be fixed, only healed. It takes a love that surpasses all understanding, a mercy that is never ceasing, a forgiveness that continues throughout eternity, and a God that wants everyone to know Him as he knows us. I intend to set out and show His people His love, mercey, and forgiveness so that they can find Him. I still have my doubts, but I know He will use this journey for His will. I haven’t even left yet, but I still miss y’all.
I’ll see you when I see you,
Ryan Boenigk
