Prologue:
There's a scene in an episode of Family Guy where Chris is led to the police station to choose from a police lineup the man who robbed a convenience store. Chris is fearful because he thinks the perp can see him, but the officer assures him that he is safe behind the two-way glass. At that moment, Peter walks into the police lineup looking for Chris. Peter sees the robber that Chris has just called out, shows him a picture of Chris, and tells him to keep the picture because "Chris messed it up by writing his school schedule and a list of his fears on the back." Chris spends the rest of the episode in hiding from the burglar.
One:
It's been a while since I've sat in my blogging chair. I don't know where the time has gone, but that's just it. Time is always moving, and there's no way to stop it. Every individual gets 24 hours a day to work with. One sunrise, one sunset, repeat. What's important, then, is what is put into those 24 hours. Let's create a little scenario here to illustrate:
Person A – Wakes up at 5:45 a.m., eats a "healthy" breakfast of Frosted Mini Spooners, showers, arrives at work around 7:00, teaches high school social studies for 6.5 hours, arrives home by 3:15, goes for a run, showers, goes to 2nd job, returns home by 10:00 p.m., asleep by 11:00.
Person B – Wakes when it's comfortable, has no responsibilities, works sometimes (or not), explores the world at own pace, moves from place to place, has no use for college education.
Alright, so who has put more into his life? Is Person A more successful because he has a job and people who depend on him? Is he more successful because he is utilizing his college degree? Is Person B seen as a failure because his life is not on par with societal norms? It's all just a matter of perspective, right? But whose perspective is correct? It's an interesting thought that has had me wound up for days.
Two:
To recap: Person A is, of course, me. I just finished my student teaching last week. It was a grind of a semester, going through the daily routine. I was excited when days went by quickly, but then I realized that one fast day just leads to another fast day. Monday became Tuesday, which became Friday before I could even blink. The semester was over in what felt like the snap of a finger. Is that a good way to live life? Where do the days, months, years go? If I'm not careful, I'll be 40 and won't know how I got there. It's like Ferris Bueller said: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." Still though, isn't it my own fault if my life becomes an endless cycle? I am in charge of my decisions so I should be able to go about living in any way I please…bringing me to Person B.
Person B is what I want to be. Have you ever seen the film Into The Wild (or read the book?) Christopher, the protagonist, goes in a different direction than the world expects of him. He explores the United States and lives in nature, pushing the human spirit to its extreme. He works for a month or two (at McDonald's, on the farm, etc.), collects his paycheck, and moves on again. He kayaks the Colorado and braves the Alaskan wilderness, basically living the transcendentalist dream envisioned by Thoreau. That, right there, is my definition of living. Why does society look down on that?*
*Let's discount the fact that Christopher died because of his own foolishness
Three:
Wouldn't it be great if we had that agrarian economy that Jefferson talked about? Most everyone would have a farm on a large plot of land, their own meat and crops, a tight-knit family, and sweet freedom. A family could truly be self-sustaining by gathering the food necessary for survival and home-schooling children. Instead, we are expected (it seems) to be stuck in a cycle, putting life on repeat mode for five days a week, going to an office or warehouse, navigating the traffic in cars and trucks, and filling every moment with stuff. It's disheartening to me.
Four:
I'm about to graduate from college in three weeks. It's a frightening proposition. I'm not trying to grow old and start the adult life, but I've already spent 17 years in school and have nowhere else to turn. Eventually I need to grow up and make something of my life. But the only real joy I've gotten out of working is when I delivered pizzas in Colorado. From where I'm sitting right now, I could do that the rest of my life. I could work 20-30 hours a week, make $15 an hour with tips, and run through mountains in Boulder everyday. But that's not realistic, is it? What happens when I get married (I want to) and have kids (I want to) and have to provide for my dependents? I can't leave them. How do I balance my desire to live as the wind takes me with my vision of a burgeoning Ayala family? I've thought about this often in the past month. I want to take off and live according to my own whims, but I don't want to do it alone (in the mortal, earthly sense). I understand that I can't have it both ways, but that does not make it any easier to swallow.
Five:
If you're still reading, think back to the Prologue. I mentioned Chris's school schedule and the list of his fears. This seemingly unrelated line from a television episode that aired 10 years ago still resonates with me. My greatest fear has to do with my school schedule. I'm scared, more than anything, to grow up and be a lonely teacher. With the uncertain employment situation for educators, I have grown complacent with the possibility of leaving Michigan for a career. What happens then? Let's say that I get back from the World Race and find a job in West Texas. I will go there, at the ripe old age of 23, and teach every day. I will then return to my apartment or whatever habitat I find and sit there, by my lonesome, pittering life away. Will this necessarily happen? Most likely not, but it's my greatest fear and influences my thinking on an almost daily basis.
Six:
That's not the only thing I fear. I'm terrified to go on the World Race. I'm worried that I might not raise enough money and get sent home in the middle of the Race. I'm also scared to find out what life will be like when I return to the States. What if my friends have moved on, forgotten about me, realized they were fine even without me being there. It's not the most pleasant feeling. I'm also a bit fearful of the change that is going to take place inside myself. I know that I will return from the Race a changed man. But what happens if, as I've been reminded by those close to me could happen, I "outgrow" those with whom I am closest to? I think I'm scared of this because I'm entering the unknown. I don't know, nor can I even fathom, how my life is going to change as a result of the Race. I don't know, nor can I even fathom, how others' lives are going to be changed during the 11 months I'm on the Race. I don't know, nor can I even fathom, how I will change others' lives as a result of my Race experience. The future, I have decided, is scary.
Seven:
The unknown/negative aspects of the World Race are of little consequence when God is in my corner. I am excited, as I have mentioned before, to gain a closeness to God that I have never experienced before. I can't wait to meet others who are on fire for The Lord's work and are eager to do His deeds and fulfill His demands. I'm thrilled to see how the Holy Spirit can use my life and work to impact the lives of those who are less fortunate. The Lord has provided me with a great gift, and I now have the incredible opportunity to use that gift. I'm so pumped for this missions opportunity, and blessed beyond belief to have a supporting family and friend circle that is praying for me and encouraging me and lifting me up in times of hardship. I've been doing tons of thinking in the past months, about the Race and my relationships and my future, and the one constant has been my Lord and Savior. He Was, Is, and Will Never Cease To Be. Through it all, that's been what I've been able to cling to. There is NOTHING that I cannot do with Him, nor is there NOTHING that I can do without Him. What a way to ease a burdened mind!
Epilogue:
The Beatles once said, "When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide." That's what I need to do. Keep going because nothing can possibly stop me. The Lord God has brought me to the point that I am today, just as He has brought each of you. Now we need to take our leap of faith. It requires prayer. Tons of prayer. "Pray continually," as 1 Thessalonians 5:17 so eloquently puts it. And we need to pray for others too! Imagine – a full circle of prayer, everyone taking time to pray for everyone else, on a personal level. That's heaven right there, metaphorically and literally! How splendid…
Afterword:
It took me several days writing and several weeks thinking to compose this blog, and there are tons of wayward thoughts. I know this, and if you've made it this far, you deserve a (well-earned) pat on the back. My thoughts can be pretty divided and hard to follow, but the ultimate message is that Jesus Christ has us all on His back and will never forsake us. Remember His sacrifice this weekend. And take a second to listen to Larry Norman's "Why Don't You Look Into Jesus." Because "He's got the Answer!"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TliWDSLrYb8
Postscript:
I have $1,725 raised!! Thank you so much for the donations and the prayers. But I still need $13,000, so there's some work ahead of me! If you (or anyone you know) would like a support letter, please let me know. Also, if you have any sweet fundraising ideas, I'd welcome your input!
