I listened to Pink Floyd's "The Wall" a few days ago. I hadn't played it in a year or so and ended up getting lost in the music. If you have not discovered Pink Floyd, I highly suggest getting into them. The way that they combine cutting guitars and jarringly thoughtful lyrics with external sonic aspects is insane. "The Wall" tells the story of a young man's descent into madness, represented by the metaphorical wall that he must break down. It's crazy.
Anyway, this blog post is about one particular song – "Mother."
"Mother" is a departure from many of the other songs on the album. It starts off slow, accompanied by a single acoustic guitar playing a simple rhythm. As the song progresses, more and more instruments join in until the very end, where the acoustic returns and the singer/protagonist utters his last lines. The song hit me in a way that I had never thought of before, and I would like to take this time to share my feelings.
"Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?"
It's important to think about who the "they" in this opening line is. In the plot of the song, "they" stands for outsiders, those outside of the mother's control. These men and women may try and interfere with the son's life, causing it to be something beyond the perfect white-bread world that the mother has created.
In the context of Ryan Ayala and all fellow World Racers, it sort of means that whatever we may have created or planned can be undone by one momentous event, intervention, or happenstance. I have used this space to talk about how Satan can infiltrate the heart and mind of a Jesus follower, leading him/her into temptation. Let's use my life as an example. It is my plan to go on the World Race. To do this, I must raise $14,800, forget my stateside life, drop my friends and family, and enter the "unknown" – a world of pure faith and devotion to God. It is frightening, and gets more and more so as the days pass by. It wasn't so hard a few months ago. This is the "bomb." There are days when I can't wait for August 1, and other days when I'd rather not think about the fact that I am leaving in 5 months. I guess that's how it goes with all things though, right? I mean, we're initially excited for something until we get closer to that "something" and realize that we have no control over what's going to happen. It's a terrifying prospect, a thought that I'm convinced is Satan's way of deception. Slowly, I'm getting over the fear that's been crawling at me for weeks, but that's only one small battle in the middle of a raging war. Once I clean up the wreckage from one bomb, Satan will not hesitate to drop another. I need to be prepared for the spiritual warfare.
"Mother do you think they'll like this song?"
They're not going to like my song. Satan and his minions are not pleased with how God's plan is unraveling. God's army is growing ever stronger as the days go by, but so is Satan's. The Bible says that there will be an ultimate showdown at the end of days, and God will emerge victorious. It is written and there is no disputing it. Still, Satan will rage against God and will take some souls to Hades with him.
What does this have to do with my song? I am a Jesus follower who is about to embark on a mission for God. On this mission, I will be spreading God's Word, Work, and Love to people who are lost. I and my fellow Christians have been commissioned by God to lead them to the light, and this is not going to sit well with the forces of evil. When I'm walking into the brothels proclaiming Jesus, I'm going to be met with anger and derision. When I'm standing in the center of the city square proselytizing about salvation, I'm going to be see glares of fear and contempt. Many people are not going to be initially accepting of my "song," but I've listened to the end. I've read the Bible and I know that God will prevail (Revelation 19-21). He has put His song on my lips, and I just need to sing.
"Mother do you think they'll try to break my balls?"
This is not going to be an easy thing. I'm going to be met with opposition everywhere. I mean, if I think it's hard now to keep my head and heart focused on His plans for my life, imagine how hard it's going to be when I'm actually out there on The Race. People are not going to be pleased with my calling, but it's a silly thing to argue with God. His Will trumps all. So while people may "break my balls," if you will, in the end it doesn't matter. Earthly discontent is no match for eternal glory, and the walls I'm up against prior to and on The Race are nothing to God's fortresses.
"Mother did it need to be so high?"
The "it" in this line refers to the wall that the protagonist has been building in his mind. In my life, "it" means the financial hurdles that must be climbed before I depart for The Race. When I was accepted into The Race in December, I thought that $14,800 was going to be easy. After all, my mom and I were able to raise $40,000 for my sister Inna. I figured a total less than half of the adoption would be a piece of cake. Unfortunately, the closer I get to August 1, the more and more uncomfortable I get about the financial situation. I have complete and utter faith that God will provide, but He will only provide if I get out there and work for it. I sent out support letters to many family members, but I haven't done any fundraisers yet. I need to do something to get out of my comfort zone because $14,800 doesn't grow on trees.
The "it" can also refer to my heightened sense of self-awareness. By this, I mean that while my expectations and hopes are sky-high at the moment, so are my fears and trepidations. For me, at this moment, everything is a little crazy. I pray for God to calm me and steer me on His Way.
Those are the first 3 lines, along with the last line, of the song "Mother." This new perspective on a 1980 secular song has given me hope. I am not the only person going through these trials. I know I have the support of my family and friends and fellow World Racers. So if the wall is going to be high, I, along with my support team, will just have to jump higher. With God, it's a breeze.
I ask you all for prayers. As The Race is rapidly approaching, I ask that my fears be assuaged. I pray the same for my World Race teammates. I also ask for focus on the task that He has left me. I ask that I not be bogged down by worldly things, but instead focus on His heavenly plan. I ask also for financial and prayerful support.
If anyone would like to talk/ask questions/make a donation, please feel free to e-mail me at [email protected].
