Sometimes, my life is one big act.
I find myself putting on a show for God.
Clogging my ears with sermons and
worship songs.
Clogging my ears with sermons and
worship songs.
Journaling until my hand cramps.
Going to church trying to
prove myself as holy.
Going to church trying to
prove myself as holy.
Reading books and memorizing scripture.
Squeezing my heart, trying to starve out my sinful ways.
Although these are good things…
They distract me from knowing Him.
He’s teaching
me how to know him.
Not how to stare at my bible just because it’s what I’m supposed to do.
Not how to go to bible study just to feel better about myself.
Not how to have a theological discussion.
Not how to sit
in a pew and listen to a sermon.
Not how to sit down
and try and soak in yet another book that was recommended to me.
and try and soak in yet another book that was recommended to me.
Not how to
feed all the African babies and end human trafficking.
feed all the African babies and end human trafficking.
Tonight I was reminded of Matthew 7:22-23 and it wrecked me…
‘Many will say to me on that day,
Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in
your name
your name
and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform
many miracles?
many miracles?
Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’
How many times in my life have I done holy things without actually knowing him?
I can scream his goodness at the top of my lungs.
I can try and memorize the entire Bible.
I can heal in his name…
and feed every orphan in the world…
but if I don’t truly know him in my heart…all of it is worthless.
Tonight I sat on the porch and watched a thunderstorm roll in.
Suddenly I found myself walking out from
underneath the protection of the roof into the downpour.
Darkness surrounded me.
The only light was the lightening reflecting off the lake.
I stood there…not saying a word.
Not doing anything.
Just standing in
his presence.
I felt microscopic
compared to his vastness.
compared to his vastness.
I had nothing to offer Him but my full attention.
I raised my hands to the sky… begging to feel even one more ounce of him.
I was completely humbled in his presence…
He showed me that it’s okay to just be.
Lord, here I am.
I want to know you..
Not just of you.
Not just the verses and songs and characteristics of you.
Not just the verses and songs and characteristics of you.
You.
Intimately.
Thank you for loving me… shit and all.
