I live my life for the approval of people…
I care more about people’s opinion than I care about the Lord’s.
I’ll drive myself mad attempting to make people like me…
Choosing to be ignorant to the Lords whisper that He is all that matters.
If someone has a problem with me…
It messes with me.
It messes with me.
If someone is disappointed, I hate my life.
All my life I have found myself doing good in work and school
to please my teacher or my boss,
instead of striving to be my best because God is good
and he created me in his image.
I have been the girl that people come to and easily confess their secret sins…
which is GOOD and I love that I’m trusted…
but I often speak a ton of grace and not enough Truth.
I find myself telling people what they want to hear.
I don’t want to hurt feelings or be thought of as judgmental…
So I refrain from speaking truth.
I care more about being liked and approachable than I care about
seeing people being convicted and changed in Jesus name.
I have often continued relationships because i don’t want to hurt the other person.
I’ve let myself be walked over because I fear disappointment
instead of walking away and living in freedom that I was created to live in.
Yesterday I went to “Burn” (24 hour house of prayer and worship)
and I after two hours I was ready to go.
All I could think about were all the things I needed to do…
The coffee date I had planned.
The phone call I needed to make.
The phone call I needed to make.
The writing I needed to do for work.
My mind was flooded and I was legit anxious.
The Lord stopped me in my tracks in a freakin loving way.
He was like Ruth I breathed you into being…
for my glory.
To love on you.
To worship me.
To do my will.
To rest.
To live a fruitful life.
To live in peace
To live a life of freedom in me.
To have JOY.
Why can’t you focus on me for more than moments at a time…
My body felt numb in that moment.
I was burdened.
Broken.
Pissed off.
Embarrassed.
Comforted.
Joyful.
All of these mixed emotions.
My response…
God it is so freaking hard to live for you when I can’t see you.
You don’t give me deadlines.
I can’t see your face or your disappointments or that you’re proud of me.
I don’t hear verbal feedback or affirmation.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the people around me who need something or desire something from me.
Then he blew me up with this…
Put no more trust in man, who has only the breath in his nostrils. What is he really worth?
Isaiah 2:22
Shoot.
We are dust.
Here one day gone the next.
Why am I driving myself crazy to please people.
Why do I lose sleep imagining disappointment.
Why do I go throughout my day looking for the approval of man
when in 100 years everyone living currently will be dust in the ground.
For am I now trying to win the favor of people, or God?
Or am I striving
to please people?
to please people?
If I were still trying to please people, I would not
be a slave of Christ.
be a slave of Christ.
Galatians 1:10
This verse struck my soul.
I got a tattoo in Thailand that says slave to righteousness.
For so long I was a slave to my flesh
and only cared about myself.
That’s a whole different blog but this just reiterated the fact that I am not my own.
If I were still trying to please people… I would not be a slave to Christ.
(oh, and if you have a problem with tattoos… That’s your own conviction but please don’t send me a message about it, I don’t live to please people anymore.)
I’m tired of people pleasing
So this is my confession.
I choose to take my thoughts captive from this day on.
I will test it to see if I’m living for the approval of some flimsy little flesh
or the Maker of the universe.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I’m going to disrespect authority
and take people too lightly…
But I will fiercely pursue the face of Christ in every decision I make.
Every assignment. Every conversation.
I want to do my best to reflect HIS face and stop doing my best to be affirmed by man.
Here’s my heart Lord.
Change it…
Show me how to live for You and not man.
Stop me in my tracks when I do things out of vein conceit.
Change it…
Show me how to live for You and not man.
Stop me in my tracks when I do things out of vein conceit.
You are the reason I exist and I want that engraved on my heart.
In the end it’s just between you and I.
Change me.
Here I am.
