How I was called.
So I would love love love to sit here and tell you the Lord
appeared to me in a cloud when I was trotting to class and told me the world
race is what He has for me. That would be baller.. but its not true. I have had
an uneasiness with my life over the past couple of years that I am not where I am
supposed to be-emotionally, spiritually and even geographically. I held it in
though. I had seen people drop everything in their lives and go.. never thought
it was for me. I never even considered it. I was comfortable-uncomfortably comfortable!
I sprinted from the Lord many times and then he pulled me back in… He is way
stronger than I thought.. very persistent. In order to keep the uneasiness away
I would just run. He broke me of that soon after. I had filled my life with
anything and everything that I could find ANY identity in.. I had too much
pride and fear to truly surrender every single aspect of my life to Him. I would
give bits and pieces of Him here and there but subconsciously I would keep
holding on to the next thing.
SFA feeling so mediocre. I had been redeemed and was overwhelmed by it but I
started begging God for more. I remember saying “Lord please give me a passion
that will bring you glory.” Boy did He. I woke up in the middle of the night
being overwhelmed with a dream I had of orphans. I can still vividly see it. It
rocked my world. From there I felt the Lord closing the door of my heart
towards SFA. I felt led… home?? What God? I haven’t lived at home in 2 years.
It has to be something else… I kept praying. In the mean time withdrew from
there. I didn’t see myself there.. or home. Huh. Funny, Lord.

Christian camps this past summer and one week the campers were arriving and I
remember being overwhelmed with the feeling that I just wanted to peace out of
the US and go save my little babies. I was not in the moment. 30 minutes later
I got my campers. Out of my 6 first graders.. four of them were adopted orphans
from around the world. WHAT? Yep, I put God in a box. Crazy how He works. I
could almost hear him saying “You of little faith.” God uses the funniest moments to slap me in the face. He showed me that I am crazy for having my mind elsewhere when there were babies that needed to be loved on right in front of my eyes. As I got to love on them, I just praised God for being so faithful and for opening my eyes.
I am absolutely waking up every single day and still being
blown away by his mercy and love. He is crazy for still pursuing me even though
I ran so many times. I feel as though I can relate myself to the book in the
bible of Hosea. I was sought out by the Lord.. what did I do? I ran. He came
and rescued me and brought me back. What did I do? I got scared that He could not
possibly love me after all I had done.. and I ran. A verse that hits home for me in Hosea is chapter 2 verse 7 “She will chase after her lovers but not catch them: She will look for them and not find them.” I ran after anything i could… and I could not find one thing that could possibly fill the void in my heart– but the Lord. He was absolutely persistent and came and took me
back and I finally surrendered. Im not going to sit here and say that I am not
tempted to run sometimes when Satan is holding my biggest downfalls in front of
me. I absolutely am tempted… but it just pumps me up that he sees me as a
threat to spreading the Lords Kingdom and wants to take me down. It pumps me
up, it keeps me strong.
That’s where I am. I could write more and more all day long
of what the Lord is doing. He has rocked my world. I feel as though it is just
the beginning and I am so stoked. How He has pulled me out of sinking sand too
many times to count. He is faithful. I cannot even begin to praise Him for this
opportunity. And I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for following me
on here!! Im not a good blogger but hey even if my grammar and spelling are
wrong and my thoughts are all jumbled.. you will get a little taste of what the
Lord is doing and I pray it is encouraging!
In Him,