Today I Finally Cried.
I will start by saying this: I am not a crier. It is not that I do not want to! I really would like to at times but just can’t seem to make it happen. Ever seen The Holiday with Cameron Diaz when she tries to make herself cry? Well, that is me to an extent. I mean, I have been doing this thing for 2 months already and still…no tears. Sixteen days into Bolivia it finally happened.
Allow me to backtrack a minute…As we are doing all these different ministries, I am learning a lot about LOVE. I know that sounds cliché, but I am finding out that there is so much more to love than I thought. It all started with Romans 12:9 which says “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” Before the big cry, I was thinking about all the chances we get to tangibly love others on this trip. There are many examples, but I’ll give you 2 for now: 1. My team and 2. The children at El Jordan.
1. Preference and community are a big part of World Race culture and is something I am learning to do amongst my team. [Yes, I am still learning to put their best interests above mine, and month 3 is already almost over]. I love my team tons, but I am still finding it difficult to love them sincerely without ulterior motives.
2. I have fallen in love with the children at El Jordan. I know we aren’t supposed to have favorites, but little Carlitos has captured my heart. He is 2 and has the best personality ever. It is difficult to think that his family has been, or is currently living on the streets. What is it like to be born on the streets? I cannot even imagine. All I know is that I have a limited amount of time to pour all the love I got into these children.
But here is the funny thing about love: before you can give it sincerely, you have to understand God’s love for yourself. I thought I already knew this until out of nowhere I found myself SOBBING at the construction site in front of my two male teammates. There had been some silly tension with my team that morning that triggered the deep well of tears that I had so neatly held together until now. After good discussion and some much needed love from my brothers, I came to this truth:
No matter how I choose to love others (whether with ulterior motives or with sincere love), God still loves me the same. If you really think about that…it will blow your mind! The rest of that verse says to hate what is evil and cling to what is good. If you are fighting evil but not clinging to good (or love), you are missing the whole point. It is the clinging to love that fights evil away.
And so, I have found yet even more FREEDOM in my identity of love. It is simply for freedom that Christ set me free…He has not ulterior motives. I can only thank Him by doing the same for others. What sweet release and revelation can come from a good cry!
