I just want you guys to have a fighting chance.
Because the world around you ain’t helping you any. If you believe Men’s Health, TV, movies, the media, most professional athletes then you will be CONVINCED that your life is ALL about YOU!
How can I get more, have more, be better looking, get more women, buy more gadgets, make life easier, take control of things? These are the questions that consume most men, and they have at different times consumed me. It’s the ‘how to’ guide in Men’s Health – it’s the message of every professional sports star during contract negotiations. It’s the subject of half the books out there – ‘take control of your life.’ It’s the reason for all our technology; to make life easier, more comfortable. Our culture celebrates independence in everything. We learn how relationships are “supposed” to look through ‘Sex and the City’, and other TV programs.
WE have become the gods of our lives.
Now this is not an indictment of any of you folks out there reading this, because let me tell ya – I’m living deep in this stuff as well. But living this life for Jesus, and hell – being married, especially being married, has taught me REALITY is VERY different from the world’s view.
According to Richard Rohr, author of “Adam’s Return”, there are five truths we need to accept to live and live within.
1. Life is HARD.
2. You are NOT that important.
3. Your life is NOT ABOUT YOU.
4. You are NOT IN CONTROL.
5. You are GOING TO DIE.
2. You are NOT that important.
3. Your life is NOT ABOUT YOU.
4. You are NOT IN CONTROL.
5. You are GOING TO DIE.
OUCH! You’re not going to see that list on any cover of a men’s magazine. In fact, most say the exact opposite, “Make your life easier”, “It is all about you”, “take control of your life”, and “live forever.”
Unfortunately, false realities turn into false expectations. And when we carry these false expectations into our relationships – we wreak havoc. If friendships, marriages, or any other relationship gets hard – we bail. If people don’t placate to, or stroke our egos daily we don’t really want to be around them. If folks do things beyond our control, we get controlling. Death scares most men. These false expectations destroy relationships. I’m convinced our culture’s worship of self is the reason people can’t stay married, and men can’t be fathers.
Now, I can speak about these things, because I have lived these things, and still do on some level.
The message of Jesus is simple – love others, which simply means, get your eyes off you and think of others ahead of yourself. The message of our world is equally as simple – love yourself above others. And anyone who has any sense knows that you can’t have successful relationships with that mentality.
As men, we must die to our egos, our desires and wants. They must be laid down so that we can serve the wants and desires of our wives and children. By our ‘death’ – life will spring up in those around us. That is how men of integrity live.
This is reality. No way can anyone be a husband or father if all we do as men is worship ourselves and serve our own needs.
This is a truth I am learning DAILY.
This is a truth I want to pass on to you:
Men you need to walk into this deal – marriage, life, the whole shot, with accurate expectations.
So, here’s the deal, I’ve got this vision, with all this worldly self worship: I want to see some REAL MEN recognized for their sacrifices. I want to see the man honored who had a chance to abort his baby, but decided not to take her life, to save the life of his own ego. I want see the story of the man whose wife is bed-ridden at a young age which forces him to drop out of school to work to support her and their daughter. I want to hear more about “everyday” men who are the real heroes of our culture. I don’t even care if you don’t profess Christianity as your religion, because in my mind – if you are loving, honoring and serving your wife and family then you are more like Jesus than most self-proclaimed Christians.
Somehow I’m going to bring you these stories. Because after all, my desire is to lay it out there RAW and REAL – so that we, as men, at least have a fighting chance.
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If you know of any REAL MEN out there, I’d love to hear about them!
Contact me and submit your stories. I’d like to include them in a future blog.
