My call to abandon the life I knew came back in January by the way of a simple statement.
“Rusty, you know you’re my favorite and you’re so much fun, but you just have no integrity.”
She was right – and I knew it.
And I quickly realized the problem didn’t lie in the fact that I had no integrity. You see that was just a symptom. The real issue, the root of the problem, was my walk with the Lord was non-existent. I had built a life that was not, in any way, built upon the foundation of Christ. I had finally gotten to the point where I truly did not want to be this man anymore. God had used that simple statement to get a foothold in the door of my heart.
So I began praying, “God, make me a man of integrity.”
Prior to this realization, my goal was to be a 40 year old swinging bachelor working for ESPN. I figured what a great life, I’d be famous with lots of money and have plenty of beautiful women telling me how I was so cute, hot and funny. I was totally shallow and my ego desperately needed validation from the world. This was my life.
But something clicked the day she said, “you just have no integrity.” It pricked me in the deepest part of my spirit. I think it’s because I knew my REAL desires where to be a great husband and father. And by her calling me out, it showed me I was far from being the man God called me to be.
“God please make me a man of integrity! I’ll do anything!”
So many things were missing from my heart – my life. How in the world do I find God? – how do I find integrity? How do I find a real love for Jesus? I was empty. I had none of these things.
“God make me a man of integrity!”
I googled “missions” and came across Adventures in Missions. The same girl who told me I had no integrity directed me to the World Race. She said, “they have a media team Rusty.” That definitely caught my eye, but I quickly said, “This ain’t for me. It’s a year long deal.” But God wouldn’t let me get away that easy. So I started reading the blogs of the people out in the field. At this point the Lord had BOTH feet in the door of my heart.
“God make me a man of integrity! Show me how to love you with all my heart, soul and mind because I don’t, but I want to.”
Weeks went by and the idea of leaving everything for a year began to appeal to me. I knew I had to rip down this life I had built to find out where it all went so wrong. That’s the funny thing about abandonment. You realize something is missing, so instead of going out and getting more of whatever to fill that missing void, which is what I used to do – you get rid of EVERYTHING! Crazy huh! But for me, the problem was foundational. And you see, my foundation was built on who the world said I was, who the world expected me to be. I was a people pleaser and I feared man – I feared what others thought. The main problem is I constantly needed validation from women. I always had to feel wanted and cute. That’s how I defined myself as a “real” man. Stupid I know – It was tragic. I didn’t even think to ask God, “Who do you say I am?” I was desperate for a change.
“God please make me a man of integrity!!”
Sometime around March 16th I said lets do it! Arkansas had just been whipped by USC in the NCAA tourney and I was in the hotel room reading blogs. That night at the game I saw Gary Miller, a former ESPN anchor and I thought to myself, “I don’t want that life anymore.” That was a HUGE realization for me. So, as I sat on the bed in my hotel I applied for the World Race. I was ready for what God had for me. I NEEDED something radical. I was sick of the ordinary. And more importantly, I was SICK AND FREAKING TIRED of doing things on my own strength. My strength SUCKS! I wanted God’s strength – I thristed for it!
“God make me a man of integrity!”
The next day I got an email saying I was turned down! What?! I thought for sure this is where God was leading me. How could I have been wrong? Ended up the folks at AIM found out I had been talking to Seth Barnes so they reconsidered my application. At this point though, my heart was ready. My job was now just a job and not my life. I wanted more – and April 12th I got more. I was fired from KATV because I said on live TV I had a mancrush on the new basketball coach! God’s a funny dude. Eight days later I was in Peru meeting the world racers for the first time. Six weeks after that I was in Swaziland on my first real mission trip. That’s where I fell in love with these folks. That trip led to me joining in August and finishing out the year with the most incredible people on the planet.
It’s been a crazy ride and I often think back at how it all started with a simple statement followed by a simple prayer. God is so good and I’m SO thankful for her. Thank you for not being afraid to be real with me and call it like you saw it. God used you as the spark that ignited my life. And in turn, God has used my life to change the lives of SO many others. So indirectly YOU have been the blessing to thousands of people you’ve never met! How cool!
And believe it or not, I’ve found along the way I AM a man of integrity. I AM a man after God’s heart. I WILL be a great husband and father. I DO love Him with all my heart, soul and mind – most of the time. And the main thing I’ve learned is I’m truly a Son of the Lord and that this abandonment process never really ends. I’m always finding new things I gotta lay at the feet of Christ – sometimes it’s the same dang things! But it’s not quite as hard anymore. Praise the Lord!
“God please CONTINUE me on this path of integrity!”
