From the outside, we all look put together. It is only when you get to know a person that you see who they really are. We all have chapters of our lives that we wish we could hide.
This past May, I hit a low point but only a few people really know that.
I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and I got to the point where it made me physically sick everyday. I was a soon to be graduating senior with an education degree (I had even passed my Praxis) and I didn’t want my parents to be upset with me. I was wrestling with what God had laid on my heart so I just stopped talking to Him.
I had drifted away from all but one of my high school friends. I felt like there was something wrong with me. I racked my head for years about what I did wrong after many apologies. It hurt me everyday and made me feel alone.
I looked in the mirror every morning and saw my flaws. I hated my speech impediment that people had always made fun of. I was around people most of the time, but I just wanted to be alone.
I slept more than I’d ever slept. I stopped running. I wasn’t part of a church. I filled my voids with everything but Jesus. I have known Jesus since I was eight but we didn’t really talk during that month.
I did not see my purpose. I drug through each day dreading the next.
I, being the positive person I am, told myself it would get better, but I didn’t truly believe that it would.
I needed a second job desperately. I was offered two waitress jobs and a job at Jack’s (fast food). I took the job at Jack’s because it just felt like the right thing to do at the time even though I had said I left the industry behind.
I hated my first few days and was ready to quit. Then one night, I worked with this guy named Mason. We had an instant connection. We got on the subject of tattoos and he showed me his map tattoo. We started discussing traveling. I told him about how I had always wanted to go on the World Race. (At the time is seemed like a dream, not something I would actually get to do).
My heart was really ugly at that time but Mason saw me for me. He became my friend for my great puns and our spontaneous adventures. It was an effortless friendship, something I had always struggled to find. He didn’t ask me to be anything I’m not like other people had my whole life.
When Mason saw me for who I am, I was reminded of the love Jesus has for me.
Slowly, but surely, I started talking to Jesus again. I looked forward to each day of life. I smiled bigger and laughed louder. In fact, my prayer life got stronger than it ever has been and that my friends is why I am a World Racer now.
I want to help people who felt like I did.
Yes, even people who grow up in the church can hit low points.
I think a lot of times, people are turned off by the Gospel because they expect life to be all sunny when they give it a try. When things go bad, they think the whole God thing isn’t for them.
Being a Christian is hard!!!! I am here to talk to you about that. I want to be real with every person I ever witness to. I am a broken mess. You are going to have really bad days and really bad months. You are going to lose people and people are going to hurt you but God doesn’t do that.
I look back now on this ugly chapter of my life and I see that God was molding me and making me stronger before I embarked on the journey I am on now. He was writing my story.
Sometimes you just have to meet a really cool, sunny person to be reminded that there is a good God waiting for you with open arms.
XOXO,
Rox
