This month equals 8 months that I have started this journey called the World Race. Its really awesome to look back in my journals and blogs to where I was then and where I am now. Its been a long process full of heartache, tears, fear, doubt that turned into empowerment, love, grace and all things Jesus like. I feel more alive than I have ever felt my 26 years of life. And when I look at myself and in pictures, I see the change. I am happy, the kind of happiness that comes from my soul, from the inside that radiates on the outside. Its not because of anything from me but everything from Him. My Papa shines in me, to the very core of who I am. My identity has been found. And all I want to do is shout His praises over and over and over. I wish I can take you into my heart so you can feel the emotion, the raw emotion, the struggles and the freedom that He has brought me through these past 8 months.
Currently, I am in the Philippians, on the island of Bohol working with Arms of Love. A campus that houses children from abused families, the streets, as a way of preventing them from being trafficked. There are 4 houses, 2 belong to the girls and 2 to the boys. They have house parents which are couples that have felt the Lord calling them to minister to these kids, some who are fatherless or orphans and teach them about the values of a family and teaching them about Jesus. My team and I have had the privilege to be invited into their homes for lunch and dinner. After dinner, we have worship and then a devotional from the father or sometimes they ask us to do it. I look at all these kids varying from ages 6 to 18 and see how much Papa loves them. And my heart aches that some do not understand just how deeply He loves them. As I play with them, watch movies with them, eat with them, I do my best to show the Father’s love for His precious little ones. I hug as many as possible and try to speak life into them.
I couldn’t be this person that sees them through Papa’s eyes or loves them the way He does if it want for the past 8 months of my own personal struggle. In my latest blog, I shared how I gained freedom. Well, my squad leader, Steph who has been with us, talked to us about how after Jesus was baptized and the dove came and Papa spoke over Him, He was immediately taken into the desert to be tested. I like this because its an analogy of what this month has looked like me. Let me explain with this word picture I got one day:
See, I felt like I was on this boat, in the middle of the storm. Swaying from one side to the other like how they do it in the Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Mans Chest, when they are trying to flip the ship over. Only I wasn’t trying to flip the ship over, the waves were just that huge and I felt like I could do nothing. This word picture was with me for several days, and when I tried to connect with Papa, I was on the ship again. I was so frustrated and I had no idea what this picture meant.
Until…
I talked to Steph about it and she helped me shed some light on it in a spiritual deliverance kind of way. And as she was asking the questions, I saw the ship I was in and then I saw Jesus there. He just stood in the middle of the ship not moving as I was being swayed from the right to the left. He told me to quite the waves and chaos myself. And then realization hit!! Jesus wasn’t doing anything because the same power that He has I have as His daughter. Just as this realization hit me, I saw the clouds open and a dove with a twig in his mouth (very much like the dove from Noah) came towards me. This is the promise of the Holy Spirit that He will use me and is using me. The waves that were crashing was my fear of not being used. But my picture changed to this:
And my new found freedom has been tested and will continue to be tested. As His hands and feet, as His soilders, our fight never stops. It continues. My journey into this freedom will continue long after the Race is finished until the day that I stand before my King.
I want to encourage you to SAIL ON!! This song came on as I was writing this blog post and I thought it appropriate to share it with all of you.
Dear supporters, readers, family and friends,
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for me and supported financially. You have chosen to invest in me by sending me on this journey. And I am not the same person I was when I left you all. My heart is forever changed!!
As I sail on, will you join my crew of prayer warriors and financial support? A new opportunity has presented itself and I need you to join me on this new adventure (blog about it soon).
I am choosing to walk the hard and narrow path, to leave myself behind and pick up the precious cross of my Papa and walk, live, run, love, and if He calls it: die for Him.
xoxo,
Roxi
