I am not going to bore you with where I was born, what college I went and what I majored in but I will tell you MY STORY OF REDEMPTION.
College. That’s where it all started. The spiral towards destruction. Or did it? No, to tell you the truth, my story started at a much younger age. Nothing I did was drastic, except my rebellious heart. Yes! That’s it right there: rebellious heart. So high school was a perfect opportunity to try it. Little by little, I exposed my pure heart to the lies of the devil and little by little I went away from God. But it wasn’t until college that everything that I had been storing into my heart came to light.
College. Where you are supposed to find yourself, as our teachers in high school tell us. Well friends, that is where I lost myself. I entered the party life like an animal on drugs. I had never tasted it before, so to me, it was the most delicious experience. With every party I went to, I died a little on the inside. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew it!! I so knew it!! I knew the consequences too but that didn’t stop me. I wanted to be free. To live MY LIFE, the WAY I WANTED. SO, I partied hard. It wasn’t until I was 21 that I started drinking. And I LIKED IT. A. BIT. TOO.MUCH. Partying, going to clubs, and drinking became my norm. School was on the list of priority but not that much. I WAS FREE.
Flash forward to senior year of college. Somehow I made it that far. And that’s when my drinking got out of hand. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time. This relationship was everything I lived for. I had given up my relationship with my family, with some of my closest friends over this. However, this relationship was flawed from the beginning and the emotional abuse I suffered caused me to drink and party even more.
College graduation. A few days prior to this, my roommate and I were in a car crash. We were hit by an 18 wheel truck. As the crashed happened, I knew that I would go to hell because my relationship with Him wasn’t right. When the paramedics arrived on the scene, they marveled that we were still alive. From their point of view, we should be severely injured or dead. From my perspective? I should of been. I would have been crushed by the wheel of the truck or slammed into a pole from the passenger seat. But HE intervened. At the hospital, I called my mom and she told me these words and I remember them as clear as day, “This was the Lord’s wake up call!!”.
Wake Up Call. I almost died. God saved me. I should have repented and turned to God right? Remember what I said about my rebellious heart? Instead, I turned by back on God. I didn’t need him. Or so I thought. I had my own apt. Had a job. Partied. Clubbed. Drank.
Climax. I was at a breaking point. My unhealthy relationship was killing me. I felt insecure. I drank some more. I felt ignored. I clubbed. I wasn’t happy. I partied. That’s when it happened. That first thought. Suicide. Then the first cut, then the next, then the next. I had deiced that enough is enough, and I was going for it. But I knew that God was fighting for my soul that night. It was a hard night. Back and forth it went until finally God won. I texted a friend from home and send her a picture of my wrists with the words HELP. Within a week, she and another friend were at my apt, in a different state, packing my apt up to take me home.
Redemption. Within the week that my friends came to pick me up, I wrote my parents an email asking them if I could come home. Their answer? Yes. My friends and I drove 14 hours to FL. Upon arrival, I was nervous to be home. My parents welcomed me home with love. LOTS OF LOVE. And I knew that God Himself was welcoming me home. That’s when I broke down before the Lord and begged forgiveness and I repented of my sins. And for the first time since my college days, I felt God’s peace take my scared, broken heart into His hands. I felt safe. I felt loved. I WAS HOME.
Hello!! My name is Roxana, I am an alcoholic who by Gods grace have been sober 2 years this October, who serves a God of second chances and I am a World Racer.
