I just got home from my first night of bar ministry with my parents.
Fun fact, if you didn’t know – my parents are here! Greg and Hedy are in Thailand!
This week is what we call PVT – Parent Vision Trip – where parents have the opportunity to come out for a week and experience pseudo life on the race. This week, we are in Chiang Mai working in bar ministry, which just happens to be the same place I will be all month.
Bar ministry at the core is building relationships with the girls in the bars working as prostitutes. It starts as a friendship and can later lead to helping them choose a different lifestyle, leading them to Jesus.
There are a lot of emotions involved in bar ministry.
I don’t really even know how to explain tonight to you. How to share with you every emotion I felt.
We left worship with the squad and walked outside, the entire group ready to brave bar ministry for the first time. But some rain that had no intentions of lightening up, led several people home instead.
I knew that going home was a viable option. And I knew if I said I was tired or didn’t want to be out in the rain, my parents would support that choice and lead me home. But I also knew, if I said I wanted to go, that they would go too.
My parents and I as well as Andrea and her mom and one of the AIM staff, Ricci, decided to brave it. It was only a 10 minute walk and then we knew the bars would be sheltered, away from the water.
And I cannot tell you how happy I am that we did.
I knew the Lord wanted me to go. I knew He wanted me to face the uncomfortable and have a better understanding of what my month would look like. To get that first “I have no idea what I’m doing” out of the way. He also wanted me to meet some of His beautiful daughters that He is just hoping will one day come home.
Not to mention the hilarious memories of me almost falling straight into the mud and singing a Frozen rendition of “the rain never bothered me anyway”.
It was already great and we weren’t even to the bars yet.
A few slips in the mud later, we turned in to what looked like an alley way, which was actually more of a bar made up of a ton of little bars lined side by side.
So we sit down with about five girls who Ricci had met the week before. They were elated to see her and meet others with her. They welcomed me with open arms and instantly called me friend. We ordered some orange juice, water, and soda and bought the girls a drink so that they would stay and hang out with us (thanks Dad).
For the first hour, it was just us and the girls. Playing Jenga, getting to know each other, and seeing pictures of their sweet kids. The rain was in fact a blessing and quite possibly one of the best times to be out doing bar ministry. No customers meant no one to compete with for their attention.
I was so surprised by how incredibly normal it felt. Sitting around the table, playing Jenga. Going into it, I thought things would be much more awkward but they were just like me – girls wanting to have fun, laughing and cheering each other on as we removed that last piece before the entire wooden tower came crumbling down.
After six more rounds of Jenga, two of the girls ask Ricci and I to play a game of pool.
Standing around the pool table, being able to see the entire area rather than just the table in front of me – that’s when I started getting distracted. Ricci had to remind me almost every single time it was my turn because I was too busy taking in my surroundings.
Do you know what it’s like to have sensory overload? And feel like you are having an outer body experience? That’s what this was.
There was so much happening, so much I wanted to take in, so many emotions occurring at once.
One of the girls we were playing pool with is 21 years old (let’s call her Natalie). She has been in Chiang Mai for 29 days, and she has worked every single one of those days, with zero breaks. It took everything in me not to ask how and why she ended up there. My heart broke for her the second I saw her.
Another one of the girls (let’s call her Sarah) is 29 years old. She was such a joy and the smile on her face was undeniable. She showed us all pictures of her son like any proud mother would do.
Men continued to walk up and down this little alley of bars, glancing at the girls standing inside. They were trying to decide which girls they wanted, eyeing all their options before choosing a bar to sit down in.
Halfway into our game of pool, two men were walking by. Some of the other girls walked out to greet them and convinced them to sit down. They ordered drinks. One of the guys looked over to the pool table, said something to the girl he was chatting up and my heart sank.
I was watching the entire process unfold right in front of my very eyes.
And there was nothing I could do to stop it. Jesus wasn’t calling me to make a scene, screaming at the men to go back where they came from. He was calling me to love these people through it – both the buyers and the sellers.
The girl serving him came over to my friend, Sarah, and said some things in Thai. But the second she took her pool stick away, I knew what she said. The man, the customer – he wanted Sarah sitting next to him instead.
While she walked over towards him, I could quite literally see the life coming out of her. She was still smiling, but no longer the smile that reached her eyes. She didn’t want to be there. Not with him.
But for reasons I may never understand, she had to.
My heart broke a million times that night.
I saw the introduction, the laughing, the drinking, the small talk, the hand holding. All of it forced, no emotions attached. Every girl had their own method, their own progression.
Mind you at this point, I’m still trying to win a game of pool, but any skills I had from all those family Christmas pool tournaments were gone in an instant.
The next thing I know I look to the table next to me and a man is sitting down with another girl from the bar. They exchanged some words and then some money. She got up, changed into a dress that was much more modest, and they left.
It was the second “couple” I saw leave that bar together.
I was seeing the beginning and the end of the progression simultaneously occur at the same time, on either end of the bar.
There was so much going through my head.
Jesus, why is all I could cry out inside my heart.
Everything inside me wanted to go up to my friend Sarah and ask her how much he wanted to pay. To give her the money so that she didn’t have to go home with him. And sure, that would have saved her tonight.
But I can’t do that every night for a month. Saving them tonight doesn’t save them a month from now, when I’m heading to Cambodia and they remain right where they are.
I have to build relationships with these girls first. I have to earn their trust so that I can earn the right to speak the truth I so desperately want them to know.
That they have a choice, even when the world around them says they don’t. That there is another way, another job that doesn’t leave them empty and hopeless inside. That they are loved. Not just by me, but by their Creator.
That they are beautiful and worthy, that no man should ever be able to put a price on them.
It was around this time that Sarah came up to Ricci and I. At first, we had no idea what she was saying. But finally, we understood.
She was apologizing for having to be with a customer instead of playing pool, with us.
It broke my heart.
While I was watching the entire situation unfold, I saw her tell the man who we were. That we were two of her friends from America. And then he looked at us and me being the awkward person that I am, waved back.
Not long after, it was time for us to leave. I have no idea if Sarah went home with that man or not. And I have no idea what happened to Natalie either.
Fortunately, it isn’t my job to know the details. Knowing how their night ended would in fact make the month that much harder, unbearable even.
What I do know, is that this month is going to be hard. Really hard. And I need all of you to be praying alongside us. That we can reach these girls. That we can earn their trust and show them the love of Jesus. That they’ll get out and find true happiness, whether that happens this month or several months down the road.
That we can love these girls, the men too, the way Jesus would. With zero judgement and a whole lotta love.
A lot is going to happen this month. A lot of emotions are going to be experienced. And a lot of things are going to unfold in front of us that are really hard to see.
But Jesus is going to be there with us, every step of the way. Leading us and guiding us. One day bringing His daughters home.
